Young Writers Society

Hello, Steggy here for a review!

I love poems about love or anything to deal with romance. This poem shows some form of love from a perspective of someone with a lover. Though I like this poem, I think there are some room for improvement. One thing I like to suggest would be the total theme of this poem seems a bit cliche. But that is how love is. Sticky and cliche. Then again, you can explain the feeling of love through different symbolism or metaphors. You can do whatever you must to describe your feeling towards this certain person. An example you could possibly correct this, would be trying to get rid of the repetition in the beginning (the "he sends"). It seems a bit chunky with this and a little boring.
Perhaps, as I said before, using different emotions towards your love for him or vise versa.
Another small suggestion I have for you would be read this poem aloud. I like the rhyming scheme you have (as it seems this is a lyrical poem rather than a poem).

He sends out his hot body and his smoldering gaze.

Okay, well to start off, let's discuss what's good about it. First of all all of your lines have between 13 to 15 syllables which gives the entire piece a very nice flow. Still you could further improve this my matching lines that rhyme a little closer. For instance the first line has 15 syllables, and the second has 13, but if you put "the pain" it would add an extra and flow just a little better. While I like the first and last lines coming back together, the last line changes tenses which throws me for a loop. He sends being present tense, and caught me being past tense. All in all its a good piece.

If you really have a guy like him! Dayuuum you're lucky