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Fred Harvey and the Harvey Girls (screenplay) Scene 1 & 2

by myjaspercat


FADE IN:

Pictures fly by. Narration

[THESIS]Through the expansion of the railroad, Harvey houses popped up all throughout the American southwest. Run by Fred Harvey with Harvey Girl employees, they encountered many people and the exchange of good food and experiences on the railways became possible.

DISSOLVE TO:

SCENE 1: MOTHER AND DAUGHTER

Ext. Living room. Mid-day

Daughter and Mother get in position/photo album

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER, modern day attire, flips through a photo album together.

Daughter

So you’re saying he made food for people?

MOTHER, smiles and gently chuckles brushing back daughter’s hair from face

Mother

Not exactly dear. My grandfather, your great grandfather, first began his fascinating career into the restaurant business in 1850 at the age of 15; with the railroad charging across the west. (A1) Look that’s him right there.

MOTHER, points to a picture of a young Harvey

DAUGHTER, looks closer at the picture then at mom

Daughter

I don’t understand mom; why does he look like that? In all the other pictures of him he’s dressed nicely.

Mother

Well dear, before he became a business man he started his journey… (More)

Mother (continue)

as a 15-year-old emigrant all the way from London.

DAUGHTER, looks at mom with confusion

Daughter

What do you mean by emigrant?

Mother

It means he moved here from across the ocean baby. You understand?

daughter

Yeah mom, I think I get it now, go on.

MOTHER, looks out lost in thought

Mother

Well, when he got here he began work in New York as a dishwasher at an upscale restaurant.

Daughter

But then how did he come to be an owner of a restaurant?

Mother

That’s a good question honey. In fact, during the Civil War Harvey worked as a mobile mail clerk in the booming railroad business. () Everyone who had experience riding the railroads knew that probably the greatest hazard on western lines was food served when the train stopped for meals. () Experienced travelers brought picnic lunches from home. ()

SCENE 2: HARVEY'S EXPERIENCES

Ext. Hotel Room. Luggage on floor, shoes clothes scattered. Camera pans over them. During this scene voice over: Fred Harvey wasn’t the first man to have to sleep five across a bed with four strangers in a pungent hotel room; or first to loose appetite over a bowl of gravy stew with unidentifiable objects.

Harvey and others lie across bed scrunched together. Someone snores, another burps. One person rolls over hits someone else.

Fade to:

Ext. Sitting at bar counter. Bowl in front of Harvey and him swirling a spoon around it looking sick. Something floats to the top and Harvey pushes it away.

Dissolve out:

A/N: ok, so this is my first time every trying to write a screen play, it's for a project I have to do for world history. The formatting got really weird as it transfered from but i'm pretty sure I fixed what needed it. Also the places where there are () are places that citations will be added. Please tell me what you think about it so far. It's do in  2 weeks so I'm really trying to kick a**. Thanks y'all love ya.

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User avatar


Points: 171
Reviews: 3

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Fri Nov 25, 2016 3:10 am
ewolf20 wrote a review...



well, it's ok I guess but I've personally seen better. it's not bad by any means, it just didn't seem to grip me as I thought it would which make it kinda boring at some parts. the way you did the exposition on Harvey made it look a bit forced in my opinion , like the computer using a text to speech to the device to read a wiki article, just with more emotion. now, I might suggest that maybe you could try making it more natural, like how the child would ask their parents what that would do or even that one. that way, it would feel more natural and less robotic as some critics have said about your work.

overall, though, it was at least relatively decent.




myjaspercat says...


thank you so much for your review, and I hate saying this (since this bugs the crap out of me when other people say It) but I'm no longer working on this piece since it was a class project I had to do last year. I do appreciate that you took the time out of your day to come and review my work but since I am no longer in the class your feedback is kind of unnecessary.



ewolf20 says...


oh, my bad. I'll just review some recent works then.



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298 Reviews


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Reviews: 298

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Sun Jan 31, 2016 1:01 pm
HolographicLadybug wrote a review...



Greetings myjaspercat! Holographic Ladybug here for a review of you script!

~Nit-Picks~
Nope. None that I can find here. :)

~Other Bits~

Daughter

So you’re saying he made food for people?

MOTHER, smiles and gently chuckles brushing back daughter’s hair from face

Mother

Not exactly dear. My grandfather, your great grandfather, first began his fascinating career into the restaurant business in 1850 at the age of 15; with the railroad charging across the west. (A1) Look that’s him right there.

The mother's dialogue seems a bit robotic. Her daughter's asking a question and then the mother is replying with all of this information that seems a bit uncalled for. It just doesn't seem natural that someone would be randomly spewing all of this information. What you can do to fix this is maybe have some more dialogue itself. The daughter could ask a few questions about the (great)grandfather that will soon lead to all of this information, a bit like spewing it out in bits. Does that make sense?

~Good Bits~
While I'm not used to reviewing filmscripts, I can tell that this is pretty good. You set this up pretty nicely, a bit like a story itself, which is hard to capture with scriptwriting. You've go movement and stuff down, so I've got no problems with that. So, overall, good job and I'd love to hear more. :)

Stay awesome!
~HolographicLadybug :)




myjaspercat says...


thank you for your review, this is for national history day, an I have to add all the information and facts but as you suggested, I will totally find a way to make it more interesting and real.



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102 Reviews


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Reviews: 102

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Sun Jan 31, 2016 11:57 am
TheShauzer wrote a review...



Hey myjaspercat,

it was nice reading your piece. I found some things about it a bit frustrating though. Like, it's a great attempt at a first screenplay! Don't get me wrong, but I just found that the dialogue wasn't believable, and it was a bit boring. It just seems like the relationship between the mother and daughter was so rehearsed. It doesn't look right.

"My grandfather, your great grandfather, first began his fascinating career into the restaurant business in 1850 at the age of 15;" See what I mean??? It looks like a line you'd find on a brochure or something. In real life it would probably just be "Your great grandfather started restaurant work in 1850. He was just fifteen." You get me?

It just seems too professional. I understand that you're trying to be professional, but I belief that in writing screenplay you should be in more of a casual mindset.

Also, the boring thing... I don't get it. What is this piece about? There doesn't seem to be much in it, a mother and daughter talking about Harvey, then Harvey looking at a bowl of ugly food... You should introduce a little more into it.

Hope I could help,
Yours in ink,
TS.




myjaspercat says...


thank you for your review, the piece is for national History day. My partner and I have to create a script and then film it for competition, so the content has to be about the legacy of fred harvey. i understad that the content is boring and i wil totally find another way to make it more interesting. Thank you.



TheShauzer says...


No problem %uD83D%uDE09




If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
— Lemony Snicket