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Hello, Dino here for a short review! I haven't read the previous chapters so if I get anything wrong, let me know!

The beginning of this chapter, it's a a big chunk of info. Often times, this could be a bit of an eyesore to some readers because they would probably lose where they are at and it can be annoying to find it again. I suggest breaking it up into small paragraphs so it can be easier to read.

In-fact, for the most part, the van had gone relatively unnoticed. That's exactly how they wanted it.

I like this line. It gives the vibe that the two people want to be alone and not deal with the troubles of the world. I think that's the main idea of this chunk is going to be about, though, it kind of makes me wonder what they are running away from. Probably, like I said, the world itself.

Attention is the devil's advocate -or so Lazarus would say- it's better to blend in.

Which I do like this line, I don't think it should inside of the chapter mainly because it is just a fact and it doesn't seem to bring the story together. The description of the house is a nice one, comparing to a prison on wheels adds a small humor portion to this. Then it tuns kind of dark, with the old lady in the back, tied up and such.

"yeah, that's it. If felt so surreal,"

Don't forget to capitalize the beginning of 'yeah' and I think it is 'it' not 'if'.

with pops we hunt deer sometimes elk for food

I think you should add two commas after and before 'sometimes'.

I really like the memory thing in italics because it is a different story but kind of deals with what is happening. I wonder who the little girl might be. Anyway, I liked this chapter and it kind of makes me wonder what's gonna happen after this.

If you have any questions, let me know!

Dino

Hey there! MJ stopping by for a short review

First off, I would suggest that you change this to 18+ for language, since you do use the F-word, which warrants an 18+.

I also wanted to point out a few sections where you pointed out the obvious, so to speak. Here's an example:

He had dark gray hair and green eyes and his right leg continued to bounce; up-down, up-down. He was nervous. This was the first time he had gone on a run and while everything went as planned, adrenaline still pumped through his veins.

The reader can tell by the description that he was nervous, so there's no need to tell us what you already showed us.

we hunt deer sometimes elk for food

there should be commas surrounding the phrase 'sometimes elk'.

I also didn't really see how the two parts fit together. If you're stuck on what to put next in a story, usually what I prefer to do is to have some sort of action take place. In this case, maybe they hear sirens or something, or they decide to break into a house or rob a bank or something. I did read your author's note, but I wasn't sure if they were supposed to fit together or if you just needed help writing, but that's my suggestion for how to keep a chapter moving. Another thing to do is just experiment with different options, like maybe having a high-action chapter and then seeing if it fits, skipping around a little and writing a different scene, continuing with the dialogue, something like that. Sometimes, if you don't feel like you're writing the chapter as well as you could, then you can scrap what you have and rewrite it, or just drop the idea altogether.

Other than that, I thought that the italicized part was really well-written and had beautiful characters, and the top part admittedly was rougher, but had a nice idea that you could continue. I think that it's set up nice to have some higher action scenes, like a car chase, and less like the showdown where you have some dialogue. Hopefully my review helped!

Best wishes,
MJ