“No art is possible without a dance with death.” --Kurt Vonnegut
She leaned over the railing, looking down at the angel cascaded in a halo of crimson its beauty illuminated by the soft gleam of moonlight. Simple yet, complicated it was how only seconds ago it seemed that the angel had been flying. But there were no wings now, only twisted pieces of fabric which fell limp against her sides. The angel lay there, covered by a sweet simple yellow dress, she looked… peaceful. Peaceful, the word sound funny in her head, maybe it was because she didn’t know the true meaning of peace. Sometimes, when life slowed down a bit and she had a second to breathe, she felt some calmness but never peace. A smile crept up upon her lips, thinking back at all the times she would rush around in a frenzy of craziness. That’s what gave her, her inspiration. She was an artist and the world was her canvas. Looking down below once more, her smile grew. This was only the beginning, they would see.
A/N: I don't know if I should continue with this as a novel. Please help me, tell me what you think. If I do this is going to be the prologue.
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Nice start though your wording is a bit repetitive because you use the same words or phrases over and over again. Even if this is the prologue, I feel like you didn't really put in anything that would make the reader want to continue reading. This write lacks a hook, something that catches the reader's attention and intrigues them enough to want to finish reading to the end. Also, you've used way too many commas in such a small paragraph which also takes away from the prologue. In the end, it was still a good read. I would just suggest that you rewrite the prologue and make it more interesting. Good luck with your writing. -IceWinifredd
Hey there, Lycando here to review!
Okay first off there were some punctuation mistakes that made certain sentences sound kind of weird.
There should be a comma after 'halo of crimson'.
You could rephrase this sentence to: Simple, yet complicated. It seemed only seconds ago that the angel had been flying.
You can do away with the comma here.
Now overall I really like how this prologue is. You have a certain imagery painted here that reveals just enough to get the reader hooked but not spoiling what's the come later on. I'm also unsure if the angel is an actual angel or just used as a metaphor to describe an actual person, which gives it that flavor of uncertainty.
In particular, I like this line: She was an artist and the world was her canvas.
This gives me the impression that she's trying to express herself in a certain way but somehow it resulted in her current state. It's this statement which actually hooks me the most.
My advice is to rewrite this prologue and reread it several times to see if the sentences flow well. Punctuation can affect how the sentence is being read in the mind of the reader and it can change how the whole story makes them feel. You have something good going on here, and I would like to see it being turned into a novel.
Hope my review helped!