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Ok, I love the nice intro to the characters. I am a big fan of mystery, fantasy, and teen fiction, not to mention romance. It could be more interesting if Aliea fell in love with another person, but turns out that person didn't love her. It is up to you of course but some romance confusion would add a nice twist. If not that, then continue on with a slight peaceful demeanor, but twist it into an adventure when the reader is least expecting it. Cliffhangers also can be good for suspense if you want to use them (although I love using them, I hate reading them in a good story). One more question; is this in past or modern times? I'm a little confused on that. Well thank you for listening to me and I hope you finish this soon! I want to read more!
-NympheaLily

hello, i would love to see more of this since I have enjoyed this story chapter. i have noticed just a few spelling errors but its not majerly importent, since i can't spell all words. and peace and piece are easily mixed up. I would love to see more chapters and how it progresses, although I would recommend a way to keep the audience interested at the end, tense clifthangers are common, although im sure there are other ways. i did like your way of ending it, with the walking away, reminds me of the little bit i rememeber in my life, a girl alone. tends to end badly. i really liked this chapter and would love to see more.
-el

*was originally the other message sent by me, cant delete*

Hi myjaspercat, Felistia back for another review on your story.

Okay so this chapter has a lot of beautiful description and a lot off realistic feelings from the characters, but there are a lot of little spelling mistakes, tense changes, grammar and sentences structure problems. I won't point them out, I just wanted to bring that to light.

Like you said in the note this does feel weaker than the prologue, but that is probably dew to the fact that it is the first chapter and that nothing exciting is really happening. Do you have a story plan? I find that it really help to map out a stories bare bones from beginning to end before starting. Trust me I know. My novel went through five drafts before I decided on a story plot and then three more before I tried out a story map. I haven't had another draft since.

You have a lot of things down like you description in the beginning of the chapter was awesome and your dialogue is great. You don't repeat words and you sentences flow nicely. You just haven't taken enough time to go through the chapter and proof read it.

I really like the characters you have introduced and the world they are in. Over all just take a little more time to proof read. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Please don't get offended or feel let down. I was only trying to help.