Sunday, March 22, 2015
"There is no after without before"--- Big Daddy Weave; 'Different light'
Before I begin, I want it known now that I have made a promise, to both myself and the world. (This is my third time writing this promise because I want to make it bury itself and it's meaning into my heart.) Here it my promise... "I will change the way I conduct myself, for the better, and I will reach out to God half way up the mountain (for I will meet him there) so I can change the world." I know I have made promises like this before, but I WANT this to be true today. I'm sick of living in the dark. I'M TIRED OF CALLING MYSELF A CHRISTIAN AND NOT DOING ANYTHING TO PROVE I AM A CHRISTIAN. So; from here on out I will prove myself! And yes, I am human, and nothing will change that... I will make mistakes, I will say things I don't mean, and do things I shouldn't do. But at the end of the day I PROMISE TO REPENT AND ASK FORGIVENESS for my sins. TONIGHT I FULLY ACCEPT THE LORD INTO MY HEART.
Here I go...
Lord, my oh-mighty God, I accept you and all that you are. I promise my life to you and to give you my all, you are my everything. You are my father. Lord forgive me of my sins, and forgive me of the sins I shall make in the future for I know that I will sin! Lord please help me love my family, my friends and my enemies. Please take me as I am and make me whole again. Lord let me live long so I may teach the world your way and so I can change it for the better! (even if that better is something small) Lord I love you will all my heart. Amen.
This is my prayer, my promise and my statement. I will follow it for the rest of my life. Tonight I am reborn.
Now that I have gotten that off of my chest, I am free to let the burden of my life out in ink on paper. And it begins with a dream...
Last night I dreamed of him, of Jamie. It was weird, almost as if it was for real ----I was at lunch, and I was crying because my depression had gotten really bad. He saw me sitting alone and decided to try and make me smile (we never really talked, even in real life) but when he realized that it wasn't going to work, he pulled me into his arms. I just kind of lay there against him and he kept rubbing my thigh; then he looked down. That's when he say my cut marks. I felt ashamed, like I was being displayed in-front of the entire world how desperate I was for attention. Though I am not trying to get attention, I only want all of the eyes off of me not on me. After that, everything was kind of blurred; all I remember was him kissing my cheek and telling me that everything was going to be ok.
This kind of makes me think about what it would be like to really be with him. I've had a crush on him since 7th grade and at first I thought it was one of those simple (child) crushes but I still cant seem to get him out of my head. In PE (6th period) I catch myself looking at him, a lot, even when I try not to. What do I do? I want to talk to him, get to know him better but I am afraid. Like really afraid. What if he doesn't like me? What if he rejects me?
Seriously though, he is my everything even though he is nothing to me. I love him. There I said it, I LOVE HIM. I want so badly to let someone know, but I am afraid. I am afraid of what they will think of me. I try to tell myself that it doesn't matter, that what they think doesn't define me but I still worry. How do I tell my friends? How do I tell him?
I need help. Will someone please help?
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Wait! What? What's really going on in here anyway? I mean, is it supposed to be a real story, a fiction novel or what?
As per your description regarding this novel, you mentioned it as a story based on real life events.
Okay! I'll try not to be as vague as you were!
1) Assuming it was just a chapter 1 of a novel.
Hey! You are confused while writing this. I know! There are some mistakes with the novel which you need to edit. Take into account what I say and what others have said.
In the last paragraph you said "he is my everything even though he is nothing to me. I love him."
He is your everything and at the same time, he is nothing to you! What does that mean anyway? haha
Did you mean to say "He is my everything even though I am nothing to him"? I just don't know!
2) Assuming it is all based on someone's life
Please don't make it so public. I think the girl (maybe it's you. I just don't know) needs some privacy. This seemed kinda personal to me.
Other than that, that last sentence "I need help. Will someone please help?"!! Were you asking us for help or was it just a dialogue?
Sorry! Everything about this was really confusing. I hope you'll keep writing and keep improving over time. Good luck.
First of all, you need to be wary of the paragraphing, as you seem to leave two or even three spacing between each paragraphs instead of one neat little space. This can be faulted to the site's clunky formatting, but still, watch out for that.
Second, get rid of the underlining. They look out of place.
I'm guessing this is in the first person perspective of the protagonist, but the sentences with ALL CAPS are kinda redundant. You don't need to have a declarative statement without typing IN ALL CAPS, as it looks more obnoxious than anything else.
The minor grammatical errors aside, there are nothing eye-catching to the errors you've made, as it all flows out quite smoothly.
The story itself is not bad, though it doesn't go anywhere really interesting other than a crush on a boy. You could describe the dream in more details to make it more interesting. Otherwise, we wouldn't really care about the protagonist enough to ask whether if she will get the help she needs.
If this isn't a story, but a real life confession, then I apologize... but you shouldn't post it here as a "novel" if it isn't a story. You should post it in the "Serious Discussion" forum.