A/N: Again, since this is a blackout poem I don't expect it to be great. I hope you enjoy it still.
For many a times
have I been in love with
death.
Called him names,
to take air my quiet breath.
Now rich to die,
cease upon with no pain-
while pouring thy soul
such ecstasy!
Still, thou sing, ears in vain.
Thou was born immortal
no tread thee down.
I hear this night,
In ancient days-
the song that found a path
the sad heart, sick for home,
in tears amid the corn.
The same magic casements
perilous in faery lands.
The word a bell,
to toll me back
Myself
cannot cheat.
For as she is famed,
thy anthem fades.
Past meadows, the stream,
the hillside; now 'tis buried
in valley-glades.
A vision,
a waking dream-
is that music?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hey there myjaspercat. Birdman here, just stopping by to rescue your work from the green room.
It's been awhile since I have flown in the poetry world but I don't believe I've ever head the term 'blackout poem'. If you wouldn't mind explaining it to me, I would be grateful. I am wondering if it has something to do with the slight inconsistencies in the stanzas, where it looks like there should be another word but there is none to be found. That's the only part of this poem that I can adapt to it.
The overall arc of the poem is quite interesting and the lines about death caught my attention, as well as the sort of relationship the speaker has with death. The slight rhyme scheme running along the poem is helpful and also a bit helpful. It gives some smoothness to the flow but not having a strict pattern to follow makes it really just blend into the background. This hiding in the shadows for rhyming doesn't really do it justice and you could definitely adapt it into something more obvious and pleasing.
Just one more thing and I think I'll be on my way. The emotions of this poem were very powerful and hit me pretty hard, something I don't see all that often. I particularly liked the final stanza because it makes the recollection of a dream sound so fictional after it sounded so real. I guess this is the relation of the blackout mentioned before, the thoughts te speaker is having while being very out of it. (If this assumption is still wrong, feel free to correct me.)
Hmm. Well. I thought I would have more to say but this poem just rushed by so fast. Oh yes. The flow. The flow doesn't really catch anymore and if it's doing anything, it's moving by far too quickly. I barely caught onto a train of thought before being rushed along to the next one. I don't know how purposeful the rushing was but just thought I should let you know it's there.
That is all. Perhaps I'll review the previous edition as well.
Good day for now.
Birdman signing out.
Thank you for your review, so a blackout poem is where you take a pre-existing piece such as a paragraph from a novel or another poem and you use the words you have there to create your own poem. once you have your words chosen you "blackout" all the other words until yours are the only ones left. Hope that helped
Legacy here for a review.
I love the content and the idea that you weren't completely able to choose your words. You were able to work with what you had and made it make sense.
I can see the imagery in this piece and you have a message as well. The vocabulary is used well, all works together for the content.
Overall, good poem and it looks like a final draft to me. Keep writing. Legacy.