"It is ok to be afraid. But don't let that fear dictate who you are, or change what you can become." -Unknown
I feel someone watching me,
Following my every move.
When I turn around I see him,
The brim of his hat covering his eyes.
I don't think much of it,at first
Since I am used to the wandering
Gaze of curious men.
But there seems something odd with him;
I lower my gaze, until it is
Slightly above his waist.
I watch his fingers fiddle with a
Frayed string from the hem of his shirt.
He is nervous.
I am good at reading people,
I have to be.
My mind starts to panic
Though I try to tell myself it is okay.
Before I have a minute to
Make my retreat,
He advances towards me
A smile spreading across his face
As he reaches his left hand into his pocket
My stomach drops,
Something is definitly wrong.
I am a fool,
For not continuing forward...
A/N : Ok, so after looking back over my other poem "His Game" I decided to create a whole new folder so I can continue the story... That being said, with this piece, I'm not really starting from the beginning but rather from before what happens in my original poem. If you don't know what I am talking then read it, it should be in the related items column to the right. I hope you like this and if you think I should continue with my plan of making this all into a story, then please let me know. Review as harshly as you like. Thank you (and sorry this A/N is so long) --Myjaspercat
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140,134 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey, hey it's eleven eleven when I'm writing this, so make a wish! No, but in all seriousness I liked it. I liked how you had like just the right amount of detail, especially for this poem. There are a few, I suppose you can say grammatical, mistakes. Like in the first stanza, "The brim of his hat covering his eyes." That line is okay by itself, but when you add to it the line before it, "When I turn around I see him" I feel like either another line needs to be added, nothing big, 'The corners of his lips curved downwards." Or maybe something to that degree. I'll pr be reviewing "His Game" right after this so see you in a bit I guess. Keep calm, and write on!!! =^_^=
thank you
Good morning, Delirium here to give you a review!
So, I'd like to start off by saying this piece touched me in a very deep place, one of which brings up some of my most horrific memories. I can so deeply relate with the emotions the female is experiencing.
Though this poem has no rhyme scheme, it is told more as a story, and the lack of rhyme is not a big problem. This piece has a very energetic rhythm, each line being very punctual and almost "sharp."
I loved the way in which you ended it,
The ending leaves the reader hanging, waiting for more, all the while hinting at possible last thoughts of the victim.
I also loved the way in which you described the attacker as being nervous. That is a trait not usually seen by this type of character.
Overall, amazing job. I really enjoyed reading this, and keep on writing!
xx- Delirium
Thank you for the amazing review. I'm glad you liked my work, again thank you
Hi Myjaspercat,
Oooooh this piece is so intriguing! I have just read His Game, which I found equally haunting but enticing all at once.
One thing, "Slightly above his waist"? not waste.
I love the quote you used at the beginning of this piece, it sets the mood for this story perfectly! I was wondering where you came across it? It really is beautiful, in a dark and emotional way, quite like your own work.
I implore you to continue with this story, it has so much potential, especially with such a gifted writer at the wheel!
I love the emotions portrayed during this piece, I found myself rising in panic along with your narrator (Cassandra?).
Please please keep writing! I would love to hear more of this story in the future!!
Thank you, I am glad you like both poems. Yes the narrator is Cassandra