Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Her hand shook as she picked up the bottle of bourbon that lay half spilled out at her side. She was greedy tonight; sitting upright, sheran her fingers through her tangled hair. Every thing about her was a mess,from the brown rats-nest that lay atop her head down to the chipped red toenail polish. And as her eyes continued to travel over her body, she smirked slightly. Casey was a call girl, plain and simple; her only goal in life was to make money and if she had to let drunken men stumble there way into her pants then she would. It was all she was good at. Taking another swig of the bourbon,Casey flung her legs over the side of the bed, letting them dangle. With each swish back and forth she created a soft breeze that lightened the stuffiness ofthe motel air. A soft sigh escaped her lips and her chest rose steadily withevery breath. Sometimes she wished she didn’t drop out of school that she went to collage. But it was only a dream, and like her mother always said ‘dreams are what they are but they can’t change the future.’
A simple knock on the door caused Casey to jolt upright. Odd, she thought, there wasn’t supposed to another customer till later that night. Standing up, Casey stumbled for the bathrobe that lay across a dining chair and fumbled around as she put it on. Another impatient knock. 'Hold on, my God,' she exhaled, opening her room door.
"Hey sexy, what can I do for you?" She flicked a lock of hair from her face and purred seductively while leaning against the door jam.
He pushed her slightly, only enough to give room for the door to shut behind them. "Baby, what can I do for you?" Casey asked again, nervously. But he didn't reply, only looked at her through the pair of sunglasses that masked his face. Reaching out to her, he stroked her face, curving his fingers behind an ear. Casey only moved closer, thin-delicate fingers stumbling to un-button his dark dress shirt. She slid it off his shoulders, slowly, revealing the smoothness of his chest.
A/N: Ok, so I don't know where to go from here. For one this will be more mature related so I'm having trouble with how I want to word things. Anyways, help with what I have now would be great! Thanks.
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140,135 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hiya! I'll do the best I can with this. It has been a while since I've been here.
. I'm interested in what is coming next, I also encourage you to continue. I feel like the guy is a cop or something, the way he isn't speaking xD. Hope I helped in a way, I see you said that your computer gives you the spacing issue.
"Every thing about her was a mess,from the brown rats-nest that lay atop her head down to the chipped red toenail polish."
A space was missed after the comma.
"Taking another swig of the bourbon,Casey flung her legs over the side of the bed, letting them dangle. With each swish back and forth she created a soft breeze that lightened the stuffiness ofthe motel air. A soft sigh escaped her lips and her chest rose steadily withevery breath."
I underlined the words that needed spacing.
"Odd, she thought, there wasn’t supposed to another customer till later that night."
There wasn't supposed to be another customer til later that night.
Every other mistake I seen, Dracula kindly covered
Thank you for the great review, and yes my computer gives me the spacing issue so it's nice to know people are kind enough to point them out to me. Again thank you.
Hey! I'll try and find as many things as possible for you to improve, since that's the point of posting it. But from what I've read, it sounds pretty awesome! I only have a few nitpicks, and my major suggestion would be to continue it and keep writing.
Her hand shook as she picked up the bottle of bourbon that lay half spilled out at her side.
The word out in this sentence isn't necessary.
sheran her fingers through her tangled hair.
You can see what's wrong with this. It needs a space.
drunken men stumble there way into her pants then she would.
Their* way.
Sometimes she wished she didn’t drop out of school that she went to collage.
You need to put and between school and that.
Fix those few things and it will be fine!
thank you, I know that sometimes I miss the little things when I read back before I post so I am so glad you pointed them out. For the spacing issue, my computer does that and I thought that I caught them all, so thank you again.