i make wishes at 11:11,
throughout the day and night.
he is an angel sent from heaven,
to save me from my fright.
i wish for him to love me,
i wish for him to care.
i wish for him to hug me,
i wish that he was there.
i wish that he would hold me,
i wish he'd sing me songs.
i wish he wouldn't scold me,
when i did something wrong.
i wish he'd make up stories,
and sing me to sleep.
i wish he'd see the glory,
in my face etched so deep.
i wish our hearts we could send,
i wish we were actually dating.
i wish we weren't only friends,
burning out and fading.
i wish we could be us anew,
to cry and laugh and smile.
i wish my mistakes i could undo,
i wish i could reconcile.
i make wishes at 11:11 tonight,
and send to him my love.
because one day i'll be alright,
for him i'll be enough.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Wow. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has a 'friend'
Awe
i know the feeling
Hi!
I love the raw emotion in this poem; it seems very genuine and innocent. I love the repetition in the beginning and end, and I feel like its a good way to start and end the poem. It gives it nice closure. I also love the reliability in this poem, because I'm sure a lot of us have had feelings for that "friend" we have. I know I have.
Keep up the good work!
-E
Awe, thank you!
Okay Emm here to drop a review.
Really good poem. I enjoyed it immensely and it was well executed. Some quickly tire of unrequited love poems, so far I have not.
I will plead that you capitalize the first letter of every line, but that is no big thing.
The third line in the fourth stanza confuses me a bit. Maybe I am nitpicking but it sounds almost prideful which does not fit with the tone of the rest of the poem(humble wishing but never forceful, even self sacrificial if it might mean his happiness).
Most of your metre is good but just remember to keep careful count of your syllables. It does not in all poetry need to be strict; however in this poem I would play it as sharp as possible.
All in all it is pretty close to perfect. Dare I say even excellent? Keep up the good work.
Thanks a lot for your comments. Have a wonderful day ^u^
Thanks a lot for your comments. Have a wonderful day ^u^
As the previous reviewer said, you used quite a bit of repetition throughout. While sometimes repetition can be worn out and overused, this works well with the flow of your poem.
The only real problem I have with your poem is that it is very cliche; While I'm not punching down your feelings, I really wish you would have expressed it in a different way because you have a lot of raw talent but you need to utilize it in a way where when you read through the poem you don't get the sense that you've seen this time and time again. I love your rhyme scheme, that's where that raw talent really shows, you weaved it together well. Keeping an ABAB rhyme scheme is incredibly time consuming but worthwhile in the end. The only thing left that really really bothers me is that you didn't capitalize any of the I's and it just kinda blares out at me and I have to ask you why you did that? Is it a literary tool? What did it add to the poem?
As the previous reviewer said, you used quite a bit of repetition throughout. While sometimes repetition can be worn out and overused, this works well with the flow of your poem.
The only real problem I have with your poem is that it is very cliche; While I'm not punching down your feelings, I really wish you would have expressed it in a different way because you have a lot of raw talent but you need to utilize it in a way where when you read through the poem you don't get the sense that you've seen this time and time again. I love your rhyme scheme, that's where that raw talent really shows, you weaved it together well. Keeping an ABAB rhyme scheme is incredibly time consuming but worthwhile in the end. The only thing left that really really bothers me is that you didn't capitalize any of the I's and it just kinda blares out at me and I have to ask you why you did that? Is it a literary tool? What did it add to the poem?
Heyo, Blueroses! Casanova here to do a review for you! Anyway, I'll be taking this stanza by stanza, so I hope that's okay. To the review!
Here the only real issue is the rhyming. Basically you're rhyming the second and last lines, and it doesn't really seem to fit together. You could've chosen a lot of different words to use, but instead you go for rhyme. Sometimes rhyme make a poem better, but most of the time it tears it down. Anyway, onward.
You're using bland,"is," statements. And I statements, leaving room for nothing further. Tell a story, use your imagery, but use emotion as well. Gotta find a mean between them, if you get what I'm trying to say.
I have the same problem with all of this, so I"ll go ahead and review this all at once. The repetition is tedious. I lose interest in the poem midway because of it. Repetition is used to enhance something or make something to seem more important. But, here, it's used as your basis. As.. Filler, I guess you could say. Take away the repetition and you don't have much to use as a poem. I would suggest playing around with images- strong ones you do lack. I couldn't find much to salvage in the repetition.
The last stanza I had the same problems with as the first stanza. So I won't go further into detail with that.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron
thanks.