Young Writers Society

Wow. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has a 'friend'

Hi!

I love the raw emotion in this poem; it seems very genuine and innocent. I love the repetition in the beginning and end, and I feel like its a good way to start and end the poem. It gives it nice closure. I also love the reliability in this poem, because I'm sure a lot of us have had feelings for that "friend" we have. I know I have.

Keep up the good work!

-E

Okay Emm here to drop a review.

Really good poem. I enjoyed it immensely and it was well executed. Some quickly tire of unrequited love poems, so far I have not.

I will plead that you capitalize the first letter of every line, but that is no big thing.

The third line in the fourth stanza confuses me a bit. Maybe I am nitpicking but it sounds almost prideful which does not fit with the tone of the rest of the poem(humble wishing but never forceful, even self sacrificial if it might mean his happiness).

Most of your metre is good but just remember to keep careful count of your syllables. It does not in all poetry need to be strict; however in this poem I would play it as sharp as possible.

All in all it is pretty close to perfect. Dare I say even excellent? Keep up the good work.

As the previous reviewer said, you used quite a bit of repetition throughout. While sometimes repetition can be worn out and overused, this works well with the flow of your poem.
The only real problem I have with your poem is that it is very cliche; While I'm not punching down your feelings, I really wish you would have expressed it in a different way because you have a lot of raw talent but you need to utilize it in a way where when you read through the poem you don't get the sense that you've seen this time and time again. I love your rhyme scheme, that's where that raw talent really shows, you weaved it together well. Keeping an ABAB rhyme scheme is incredibly time consuming but worthwhile in the end. The only thing left that really really bothers me is that you didn't capitalize any of the I's and it just kinda blares out at me and I have to ask you why you did that? Is it a literary tool? What did it add to the poem?

As the previous reviewer said, you used quite a bit of repetition throughout. While sometimes repetition can be worn out and overused, this works well with the flow of your poem.
The only real problem I have with your poem is that it is very cliche; While I'm not punching down your feelings, I really wish you would have expressed it in a different way because you have a lot of raw talent but you need to utilize it in a way where when you read through the poem you don't get the sense that you've seen this time and time again. I love your rhyme scheme, that's where that raw talent really shows, you weaved it together well. Keeping an ABAB rhyme scheme is incredibly time consuming but worthwhile in the end. The only thing left that really really bothers me is that you didn't capitalize any of the I's and it just kinda blares out at me and I have to ask you why you did that? Is it a literary tool? What did it add to the poem?

Heyo, Blueroses! Casanova here to do a review for you! Anyway, I'll be taking this stanza by stanza, so I hope that's okay. To the review!

i make wishes at 11:11,

throughout the day and night.

he is an angel sent from heaven,

to save me from my fright.

i wish for him to love me,

i wish for him to care.

i wish for him to hug me,

i wish that he was there.



i wish that he would hold me,

i wish he'd sing me songs.

i wish he wouldn't scold me,

when i did something wrong.



i wish he'd make up stories,

and sing me to sleep.

i wish he'd see the glory,

in my face etched so deep.



i wish our hearts we could send,

i wish we were actually dating.

i wish we weren't only friends,

burning out and fading.



i wish we could be us anew,

to cry and laugh and smile.

i wish my mistakes i could undo,

i wish i could reconcile.