Chapter 8: The Classes

You have no clue how much I have to turn laughter into a cough because I laugh so loud and weird sometimes. XD It's so awkward.

Howdy (I thought of a new greeting word). Again, I'm just gonna start with my reviewing right away.

“What are you doing?” I look up at a dark-haired boy across the table." Mention that the boy says this because otherwise it sounds like Billie is saying that.

"Like the other fey, he wouldn’t look out of place in a vogue magazine." capitalize Vogue because it's a title.

“Seriously though, I’d be worried about my survival being in the same room as her.” Laurel says, “She’s Sedna 2.0” What do you mean, Sedna 2.0?

OOOOHHH MYYYY GOOSHSHSHSHS. THAT BOY WAS LUCIAN. AAAAAHHHH. YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW HAPPY I AM. YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW MUCH I'M FANGIRLING. I LOVE YOU.

I really like the faeries

"That were just like the humans, except something covered in dust can be cleaned off, something covered in rust…" you need 'we're' instead of 'were' and but a but before something

“Billie, you would do well to become familiar with our rules. “Though it would help,” her gaze shifts to Sky" take out the quotations before though

ALRIGHT! I CANT BELIEVE WE MET LUCIAN. AND SHE HAS PEOPLE THAT LIKE HER NOW! YAY! This story is making great progress, and I'm loving every second of it! See you on the other side (aka: the next chapter, duh)!

Hello, Artemis, Wolf here for a review.

I'm really sorry if my reviews from here on out seem kind if drab or repeat the same things over and over again. You probably know how tiring review for hours on end can be Anyways, on to the review!

So, like usual, this was a really good. We kind if get an inside look on the lifestyle of the teenage Fey, and it's interesting. They seem like the stereotypical, teenage gossip girls. This boy, Lucian, kind of seems important. Since I didn't bother to reread chapter seven, I can't quite recall what he did for her, but I see later on there is a chapter named after him, so he must be important *takes notes*.

I'll kind of step back and take a small overview of the whole novel so far. Basically, Billie used her powers, accidentally might I add, and kind of got her into a lot of trouble, not only with the police, but sparking an interesting with the Union. She's taken to the realm and this school where she kind if finds she's a bit of an outcast. I find it interesting that there is always one girl that basically antagonizes Billy. First Tanya, then Sedna and Artemis. Very interesting. Billie doesn't have the best luck.

One thing that I like that you did is kind of point out the reasoning Artemis is so similar to Sedna. She seems to be a fan of Sedna, according to the other Fey. I'm curious to why that is. Anyways, can't wait to read more! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare

Oh my goodness!! I'm soooooo sorry!! I haven't had accesses to internet for like five days and I couldn't review. But I haven't deserted you!

I might have to desert you tho. Even tho I really don't want to. For this reason: “You could that instead of being a bi—“ Now although you didn't spell out the word, we all know what Billie meant. And I'm not going to be reading material with any such language or insinuation of such. It's really not necessary to get the point across. I think Billie knows better and I hope you can leave this stuff out because I really really want to keep reading.

That said, another great chapter. I don't think Sedna and Artemis are too similar. They're both witches so I totally understand their likeness. They're both great characters and it's pretty awesome how you're pulling them off.

Ok now for a couple little stuff.

"Finally she says, “Don’t antagonize her again. Ever. Leave her alone.”' I think you could have Thea end this comment differently. Instead of "Leave her alone" maybe something like "You hear?" Or "Learn your place" Or "You're no match for Artemis" or just end it with the "Ever." The reason I say this is that "Leave her alone" sounds like she needs some space cuz she's going through depression or emotions or something. When in reality, Thea just wants Billie to cut it out. This isn't a bid deal. Just a little thing. If you're not feeling like any of the suggestions above fit, come up with your own. I just feel like the end of this comment should be more of something Thea would say.

Also this sentence, "I guess my pseudo-feminist statement stumped them, or maybe that’s not a big deal here" seemed out of place. Pseudo-feminist just doesn't seem like something Billie would say. Also, some readers might not know what that means.

The fey characters that Billie meets and joins are great! But... I don't think you gave us enough visual description of what each of them looked like. I ended up forgetting their names because I couldn't match a name with a picture in my mind of what they looked like. It's easy enough to look back in the chapter to remember their names but you don't want us to think of them as a distant memory just because we don't know what they look like. This causes a character to become overlooked and forgotten in the reader's mind.

But it was quite the opposite with Ma. Morningsky. You developed her appearance really well. I loved how you spread out the description of her instead of giving me a big chunk.

For some reason I like this "cross between a hospital and heaven, which somehow felt like Disneyland. Or at least, what I imagined Disneyland would feel like, since I’d never been there." I don't know but I got a feeling of what this place is like. It's not an amazing "proper" description, but it really works. Like she probably dreamed Disneyland would have this magical aura about it and that's how the hall feels. Spot on!!

There were a lot of little errors. Technical and grammar stuff but you can fix that stuff on your own.

I hope this review helps and isn't too harsh. I'll be sure read or other chapters and review when I have the time.

Hello! Here to review! Trying to keep the green room clear and all.

Nitpicks

Hello, love! Aurora here for a review!
That last line was SO for me.

Nitpicks first:
I don’t know what, but something about her freaks me out. Maybe it’s her mark, which looks darker today, like half he face is stuck in shadow.

That's all I found, kudos to you for so little grammatical errors!

I'm going to comment on characters again.

Artemis and Sedna, I already see a lot of differences between. I think that as your story progresses, they will grow to be separate, without any special efforts on your part. Great job!

I'm getting mixed up with all the supernatural races, but I think that's because I haven't read most of the previous chapters .

The feminist comment from Billie was spot-on! Awesome job with that!

Everything else is close to perfect, though I wish you had described the meditation classroom a bit more .

Keep persisting, love
Aurora