Chapter 39: The Sacrifice

So, there's a point where Lucian is strangling Billie and he asks her if she knows what it's like to hide who you really are. And she does. She's been hiding her magic since she was eight. One thing that frustrates me about fight scenes like this is that THEY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER AND THEY COULD TALK IT THROUGH BUT THEY DON'T AND THEY NEVER KNOW! (Not yelling, fangirling XD). Billie has many opportunities to answer that question and try and have a rational discussion, and even if Lucian doesn't listen, she can continue to explain and talk and be persistent. You of course don't have to, but I think it would add to it; it'd make it deeper and make it more painful to have Lucian do what he did (this is killing me to write) after Billie explained that she DOES know.
Just a thought. A thought that you should deeply consider acting on XD

Btw, how far are you on the second book in the series??

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I MUST KEEP READING.

Hey, Artemis! Wolf here for a review.

Well. You've succeeded. Again. Each of these chapters are fantastically gripping and I find myself trying to rush through (maybe even skipping parts, which is something I do in really good novels). It's amazing just how into it get.

I feel kind of bad that I don't have much critique for you. Of course, now isn't really the time to be worrying about perfect descriptions and understanding the scene, but a good set up might help to understand the action. So I'm assuming they are in a clearing in the middle of the woods, but what's with the crypt? I never knew that was there, so when it suddenly appeared, I was a tad bit confused.

Also, I don't quite understand Lucian's motivation. If you were trying to explain it at least. Does he believe that the restore equality he has to destroy everyone? I'm not quite sure what the point is in all that. Obviously he's finally snapped. Going cray cray.

Otherwise, this is on point. With the climax coming up and all, everything is going to be boom boom boom and so, there isn't much structure to analyze. Anything that needs working on stylistically I've already repeated thousands of times. So I'll just continue on. Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~

Hi!
I haven't read the rest of this story so i can't say anything about plot, really.
But i saw that you had 0 reviews so i wanted to do it anyway.

again, i don't understand or know this world, so I can't give accurate advice based on how modern/ancient the world is. But you say that Iris checks her watch. There isn't anything else in the chapter that indicates a time period for modern wristwatches.
you immediately said that 'there is a crypt'. but you haven't described what it looks like, really, and we actually don't have any indication that is IS in fact a crypt. How did the characters jump to that conclusion? That it is a designated crypt.
Because of your name, i would guess you've read the 'Percy Jackson' series, and Lucian sounds a lot like Luke, from the 1-5 books. He used to be a good friend of the protagonists, and then started killing everybody.
aside from not knowing what this plot is, i can at least say that this is well written. so keep it up!