Chapter 24: The Final

BILLIE. NO. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? I KNOW ARTEMIS IS A JERK BUT YOU DONT DO THAT! NO! BILLIE! AAAH! WBNNOVNNAODNVKDKVNOHVNVOAHVVOHA9QEOGGQ9GOA THAT WAS SO STUPID!

Hello, Artemis! Wolf here for a review!

Right off the bat, I feel like you could expand the beginning into something more. Really pull us in and get into the head and mind of Billie. She's thinking about trying it, but I notice that we're not really hearing her voice. Usually first person narration has it's own tone and flare Based on the personality of the character. This should be apparent, especially since it's written in present tense. Really read her thoughts. For instance, When Billie was thinking about connecting her imagination to the projection orb, I feel like there should be more pondering, rather than she just consider the option.

BILLIE NO. SPITE IS NEVER THE ANSWER! Alright, I feel sort of like a hypocrite, but I seriously loved this chapter to no ends. A lot more of Billie's personality was shown here because she bothered to stop and try to comfort someone who absolutely hated her. Like what? What it was sweet and super well written.

Honestly, I didn't think too much of things in this. There was a super nice flow since you weren't jumping around so much, and everything just fit. The dialogue made sense and it showed more of the characters. Goodness, that ending was really fitting. She's finally learned to control her powers, and first thing she has to do was attack Artemis. Is she an idiot? Did she forget all about that spiel? True, Artemis had it coming, BUT STILL.

One thing I do recommend you mention somewhere much earlier is how long the actual semesters are. I assumed they were 18 weeks, or about 5 ish months. Instead they are only three? It makes a lot more sense that way, because then the story is paced much slower, but it was the only other thing that stood out to me. Nice job! Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~

Hello, love! Aurora here with a quick review for you. I haven't read any of the previous chapters, so please forgive me if I critique something you've already addressed in a previous chapter.

Alright then, down to business. Nitpicks first?

I wake up two hours before I need too, and since Iris and Thea made me promise I’d study with them one last time, there’s nothing to do but wait for them.
The 'too' in the first part o the sentence should be 'to'. Also, near the ending of the sentence, you repeat the word them too many times unnecessarily.

But I wait out in the common area, so I don’t run into Artemis.
No comma after 'common area'. Also, consider changing the wording to make it read:
But I wait out in the common area so there's no chance I'll run into Artemis.
Only a suggestion, because after removing the comma, there's really nothing grammatically wrong with your sentence.

Oh, and your own imagination if your connected to it.
The second 'your' should be 'you're'. Also, don't switch to second person.

That sounds pretty cool in theory, but the uncensored mind of teenagers lead to some pretty scary results.
You're switching tenses here! The first part of the sentence (before the comma) is in present tense, but the latter part (after the comma) is in past tense.

I’ve never used it for that very reason.
Entire sentence is in past tense, but you're writing in present tense .

End of nitpicks.

First of all, let me applaud you fro writing in first person present tense! It's seems so incredibly hard, and it's so easy to fall into the trap of switching tenses (I should know, I write nearly everything in first person present tense)! But you do a great job here. While yes, you do switch tenses here and there, for the most part, you're good. Great job!

You also balance dialogue and narration really well. For the most part, your pacing was also great.

Okay, now for my critiques:

You start a flashback, and while its pretty obvious, not only do you switch tenses in the middle, you also don't italicize it to set it apart from everything. Italicize.

That's all I have for you .

Keep persisting, love.
~Aurora

Guess what?? It's review day!! Duh Yay!

Omw it's getting so hard to review you're chapters. No cool. Well for me anyway. Haha it's good for you, you're getting to be an even better writer. I can see your improvements.

Yay!! Billie finally succeeds! Finally. It took her 24 chapters lol... But it hasn't felt like it's dragging. That's great!! You are such a great writer. I'm so jealous.

I love how you use dialogue more then description to get your points across. Dialogue appeals more to the reader and brings the story to life. Appealing to the five senses is great and you do it some, but people definitely overdo it. I think you have a great balance. Keep up the amazing dialogue. I love reading it so much.

As soon as I’m connected to it, the platform erupts into flames as the demon appears