Chapter 33: The Discovery

Hey, Artemis! Wolf here for a review.

No, no, no. Sedna! This is not a good idea! Nothing ever ends good when a previously evil character tries to take matters into their own hands. Ever. But of course, that's where the conflict comes in right? Goodness, why can't people just stop corrupting things and stop discrimination. World peace, man.

Enough ranting about that. One thing I'm a little confused about is how does Billie manage to throw an orb of energy at Artemis in their dark room without Artemis noticing, Thea or Iris waking up and without anyone else see what the commotion is about? I might have misinterpreted that, but it could've been made clearer if that's not what actually happened.

I have a theory that Artemis actually knows Billie is there. She wants Billie to see that, and to see what's really going on. Of course she knows, Billie is too clumsy to be sneaky, but what lengths will Artemis go to? One thing I know about her is she is super unpredictable. So is Sedna for that matter. Honestly, I'm surprised we haven't seen more of Gwen actually.

Another thing is how did Billie fit in the vent? She can't be that small can she? Or is she not actually on the vent just standing next to it...? I feel like it's the second option. So maybe make that clearer or I should read better. I recommend just going back through that part and seeing for yourself if it's sufficient.

Still great as always, but didnt move me quite as much as the previous ones. I'm still curious and relentlessly trudging on, so I wonder what is next? Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~

When I scrolled through your story, I noticed that there's a lot of chunky paragraphs which don't look very appealing to read. The thing with reading online is that a lot of people only scan large paragraphs rather than actually processing the content. Therefore, my advice to you is to split up some of your paragraphs to encourage people to read and review your work.
'It seems the minutes to midnight tick by even slower this time.' I think that this sentence would sound better if you turned it around and said: 'the seconds seem to tick by slower than last time' because at the moment, it's a little bit confusing.
'A quarter to midnight comes, and I’m still alive.' You don't need a comma after comes and I think that it would sound better if you left of the 'a' at the beginning instead making the sentence: 'Quarter to midnight comes and I'm still alive' or 'When quarter to midnight rolls around, I'm surprised to find that I'm still alive.'
'But just as I’m about to get out of bed, there’s a dull thud, the sound of feet hitting the floor.' I think that this sentence could be improved by putting a semicolon in-between 'thud' and 'the'.
All in all, I think that the actual content of your piece is good (and congratulations on making it to chapter thirty-three) but some of your grammar and word order needs some attention just to help polish the piece so that it's perfect.