Young Writers Society

Ahh!! It's getting sooo hard to write helpful reviews anymore because you don't need as much help! You're getting better every chapter and I can totally tell. Way to go!! *celebrates*

Wow this chapter is intense! You kept my attention and intrigue the entire time. You threw me for a couple surprises, too.

For one I can't believe Laurel. She's got some nerve! What'd she have against Billie so much? Or did Artemis offer her something in return? I think it would be neat to include this. What's in it for Laurel? She would want to know that herself, I'm sure. So in the editing process, you could slip in somewhere how Artemis pays back Laurel. I doubt revenge is the only thing fueling Laurel's behavior.

Ooh and Lucian has a mysterious past!!! Another surprise. And another red-flag for me on him. I can't decide if I like him. Like really, Lucian? You're going to get Billie in trouble just because of some festival? Wow. If I were Billie, I would stay away from this guy. And if I'm reading your foreshadowing correctly, she will realize these red flags before it's too late.

But maybe it's just me lol.

“You dropped this,” I say, pulling it out as she returns to the line.

“That’s not mine,” she says, “But maybe you should keep it. It might bring you good luck.”

I doubt that, but I pocket it anyway. Never hurts to be safe.

Hello, Artemis, Wolf here for a review.

Wow, Laurel is a total jerk. Pairing up with Artemis like that, how rude. That just goes to show how many grudges people have against Billie, and also how drastic they are. I doubt Artemis likes Laurel that much (and vise versa), so just showing us them working together to reach a common goal, to harm Billie, shows us actually quite a lot about both of their characters. To some, this may look like an act of desperation, that they need each other, but I see it that they're willing to set aside their differences to make Billie miserable.

I do like that Billie is kind of hesitant in this chapter, that she's kind of confused when Laurel tries to be her 'friend' again. The part when she notices the other Fey is a nice touch of foreshadowing, though I kind of wish Billie knew common sense. A mysterious black rock drops out of a pocket of someone she's not really sure she can trust and then she just kind of goes, "Oh what the heck! Throw caution to the wind~!" Now I'm merely pointing this out, how it stands it's fine, but really Billie? Really?

Enough rambling, I really like that Lucian decides to out aside that 'goody goody' act and take Billie to the festival anyway, but I can understand he feels that she deserves to go. I fully believe that she could've passed that exam wth fly colors except for that little incident. (I still ship them so hard. Bician for evah <3)

Another fabulous chapter, and reflecting back on the other chapters, you do a really nice job of showing the growth in Billie. You show her rough transition and the downhill slope it caused, then her slowly recovering and building her confidence, and then here you show a strike of maturity here, even if its quite faint. Though that little outburst to the girls was kind of childish, separating oneself before a giant conflict arises is actual hard to do, good job portraying that! (I remember before she tried to fistfight Artemis.) I can't wait for the next chapter, and let me know when it's up! Keep Writing,
~Wolfare