Chapter 36: The Counter-attack

-breathes heavily and shakily to hold back screams and tears-
I know exactly what he's going to do....

IT'S TOO SOOOOOOOOON

Hey, Artemis! Wolf here for a review.

Lodestone. Of course. I knew it would have to pop up again. It's too evil to just abandon. Then there's the elixir which instantly kills anyone affected by it. Awesome. Oh, and how coincidental that it was discovered by a sorcerer. Granted he was an epic sorcerer, but a sorcerer no less. You, Artemis, are an evil mastermind is this why you named Artemis in your story after yourself?

Anyways, I'm really liking this plotting and stuff going on, but a part of me feels like things are just getting handed to Billie. Really, she just so happens to notice Artemis going on the night she was supposed to meet Lucian again (and when she gets there he doesn't even do what he wanted her there for in the first place) and then it magically happens again? One time I can tolerate, finding out information twice in the same method seems a little redundant. And since they're plotting right now, I feel like their evil plotting room would be somewhere a little more out of the way? Maybe less conspicuous?

You've still got me hooked. What the heck is Lucian planning? Does Phoebe know the consequences? If the paper was hushed up, how'd she find out? Is she plotting to murder everyone? What will that solve? As you can see, so many questions to be answer, but it's not a bad thing. I'm still basically understanding what is going on, which is good. So then. Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~

Hey!!!

“It’sthe Egyptian symbol of life. Just a space needed between "It's" and "the"...
"It was like apartof them died with him.” Just another space needed by "apartof"
He eyes grow wide. “Sure.” *His* eye grow wide!
"Though it seems to be out of fear rather than kindness, but I tuck the book under my anyway." Just need to put *arm* in there!

“What were you working on?” I ask as we work toward our room. Saying "as we work toward our room" is implying that 1. it is difficult to get to their room. *walked* might be a better term to use or maybe *headed*. And using working and work in the same sentence got repetitive! and 2. working toward our room... sorta is implying they share a room! now just from the conversation they are having Im guessing they dont. So you may want to play with the words there a little!!!
Oh ok. I see now what you were saying about the room! Sorry about that!

“They’rebetter off without magic anyway.” Just need a space again!!!
They decide they’re going to go through with this anyway, whatthen?” Space needed.
Hechuckles darkly. “We can’t take on five magicians by ourselves.” Space!

your doing a great job! This chapter was very interesting. Im looking forward to reading more! Good luck with editing! And have a great night!!!
Josie

Hello @artemis15sc ! It's @Sylar from the Earth Benders here to review your story! This is the fourth chapter of your story I've reviewed tonight! This novel is actually the only literary work I've reviewed at all so far (I'm trying to review all of the chapters of this story in the green room tonight)

I haven't actually read your other 35 chapters (except for chapters 32, 34 and 35), so I'm sorry if my review doesn't mean as much (Hopefully it will be sufficient!) Anyways, let's get in to this chapter.

Overall, I thought this was another great chapter of a really awesome story! I have a few nitpicks:

It’sthe Egyptian symbol of life.

It was like apartof them died with him.

Once were in our room, iris darts to her room without a word.

Lucian had taught me how to listen through doors, so if I ever did follow Artemis again, she wouldn’t catch me in the vents.

Combining the lodestone with other reactants sometimes ruinsitseffect.

Sednasays