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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
Ugh I still have thirteen reviews to catch up on and none of them are green room anymore. :/ I don't know if I can do this. It's just... a lot. You're prolly sick of hearing me complain. Sooo review time.
Can I just say... Eww!! Yes I know I've read the end but even the first time I read this... Ew. I just don't like Lucien. He doesn't deserve Billie.. And cooties! XD
Don't get me wrong... You must know how much I dislike Lucien by now.
He's just such a mystery. Granted, I've read the ending, so it makes sense why he doesn't want to look her in the eye and stuff like that. Maybe it makes him feel guilty so he has to avoid seeing her as a person so he can use her. I think this is a sign of his emotions. When he's being so perfect in Billie's eyes, that's when he's hiding his emotions behind a mask. All that love-stuff is an act. But when he gets quiet and grumpy almost is when emotions start to kick in and he's almost guilty about his plan. He wants to avoid her because he doesn't want to see her for who she is. He only wants to use her. It all makes sense now.
Her magic is growing yay!! I got all happy bout that. But it's just so much Lucien!! He's all she thinks about anymore! She's changed. Not impressed, Billie.
That's not your fault, just her dumb choices... So not helpful to you. Sometimes I just wanna slap the characters I read about with their own book. Ligitly every book I've ever read.
Grow up, Billie! *slap slap*
Also, if you gotta make out with some one, go find Hunter. He's cuter.
Billunter all the way!!!!!!!
Ok rant over.
Lucien needs help. Case closed.
Sorry that prolly wasn't that helpful. But I just have to rant a little. Every chapter or so...
Good writing tho. Like always. It's just.. Ugh. Everyone else loves Lucien. Why? He's bad news. I knew that from day one.
This rant was brought to you in part by::
Me, the crazy reviewer you've had from day one who doesn't like Lucien but likes Billie and knows she deserves someone better like Hunter for example and is just ranting because she's a Passionate Reader literally.
This story is so funny to me, because half the people love Lucian, and they other half don't like him. This is good, because theorhetically only have of you will hate me when the story is over.
Actually, I had a dream about Billie and Hunter last night. It was really cute. xD
Granted I had one about Billie and Lucian a few weeks ago...
Anyway, I always love hearing what people think of my work, so don't be afraid to speak your mind. xD
Ooooh tell me the dream!! The Hunter one of course. Will I hate you or the Lucien people? Because Hunter and Billie are made for each other. Like it's a perfect ship if I do say so myself.
It was like the most adorable dream ever. They went on a date. Like an actual date. Hiking, actually. And they were like, holding hands and laughing and kissing and everything. It's not like I scene from the books are anything. With all the other crazy stuff that's happening, they don't have time for dating... but ah well.
The Lucian one was way different. They went to the Rustlands and he was being all moody and conflicted.
-sobs- Only twelve more chapters for now D''''':
-sobs- Only twelve more chapters for now D''''':
Hi! Me again! Here for the Earth Benders! I read chapter 31 and REALLY wanted to know what happened previously (and after of course) so what better day to do so than review day?! I'm way too excited to wait, and we don't have much time, so let's get started!!!
"It’s hard to beleive I once struggled to move a desk when a giant silver ball hovers over my head." believe, and HOLY COWS, I WANNA GO TO THIS SCHOOL.
“I think we’ll call it a day.” He says" You need a comma instead of a period every time you have something someone said followed by the narrator stating who said it our saying it was said by someone. Keep an eye out for that.
"Lift it from one end of the table and set it down on the other." You need a comma after table
"before I can move the pen without slamming it into the wall, when I finally master" I think this would make more sense if you had 'slamming it into the wall and I finally master...' but it works the way it is. Just a personal suggestion.
“Arm movements don’t impact your magic, but it helps the magician visualize what they want their magic to do,” he says" Period needed!
"after the fifth time in a row I’d failed to chop the apple in half." It's not necessary to have 'I'd' because failed tells you it's past tense, and it gets to be a mouthful. Another thing to consider is to change 'the apple' to 'an apple' because you didn't previously mention an apple.
“I’ve noticed it’s more than your ability to control and direct your magic that’s lacking,” he says. “Your dancing abilities fall a little flat.” This was a little confusing to me. The first sentence is worded a little confusing, especially at the end when you say 'control and direct your magic that's lacking.' It's just not easy to figure out what you mean. And the dancing thing came about kind of randomly (unless there was an event in previous chapter that I don't know yet), but maybe add a 'but' or a 'while' somewhere in there so it doesn't seem like it's jumping from one thing to another thing so suddenly.
“Now both.” Our hands twirl together one more time." Well, if they already have the right and left hand by each other then they already have both together. Or isn't he talking about putting their hands close to each other? Clear up what's happening a little more if you can.
"He steps forward again and I seem to instinctively step back." You need a comma after 'again'
OH MY GOSH. WHY. WHY WOULD YOU GIVE ME SO MANY FEELS. AHH. I SHIP THEM SO HARD ALREADY.
"We stare at each other, breathless, before I finally release my leg.
“I don’t think that was a waltz.” Because it's talking about what Billie is doing, you can have what she says in the same paragraph as the one describing their dance, but I can see if you want them separate.
“You’re a faster learner, at dancing at least.” a hyphen may be better than a comma in this sentence.
HOLY BUCKETS IM GONNA READ MORE AND PREVIOUS CHAPTERS I PROMISE AND HOPEFULLY YOU AREN'T ANNOYED AT MY PICKY REVIEWING BUT IT'S ALMOST THE END OF REVIEW DAY AND I NEED TO SUBMIT THIS BUT I WILL KEEP READING THIS. HOW CAN I FREAKING NOT?? YOU ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOUR BRAIN
-Pendr from the Earth Benders
Hey, Artemis! Wolf here for a review.
Yes, I know. I say this every time, but your endings seem to be the best sections. Seriously, it was beautiful listening to the two talking, and it just flowed so well. What I love about your story is that you're taking the perspective of a character who is going through a lot of struggle. Literally against the odds. And even though this is a fantasy, there are tons of truths that apply to anyone in this situation. Anyone experiencing this hardship. You encorporate this beautifully.
The ending was an absolutely fantastic scene, the real talk and the sadness, just created the right mood. It flowed so well, that when the ending kiss came, it just felt right. It was just fantastically executed. Plus, I ship them <3
Anyways, the beginning portion was interesting as well, and when she focused on Lucian to successfully completely the task had to be the sweetest thing ever. The interactions between the characters are phenomenal! You've shown us the entire progress of growth in their characters and it just works. It's smooth and it feels right. I love it. Honestly, I can't find much else wrong.
There are some spots here and there which could use some more descriptions, maybe more senses should be appealed to to heighten the feeling of the scene, but overall it's great. I cannot wait to see more! Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~
Hey,
I would like to start out by saying Nice story! It was a fun read and I really like how you ended the story. There's not a lot to review however. I couldn't find any spelling errors. I'm sure there may be punctuation mistakes but even I struggle with punctuation so I really don't feel to inclined to search other peoples work for it. I think you had a great use of vocabulary however. You did a really great job with descriptive words as well. I felt like I was really there at times I admit. I hope to read more of your work!
Sincerely,
Collideascope
Wow! Aside from it is very long, it is also very magical (well, I should've expected that, right?)
This one sounds somewhat like Harry Potter's.
You sound like one of those romantically inclined people because of the sort-of-sweet dancing scene.
Your storyline here though and their conversation is somehow very common to most of the love-related stories (maybe because this is how people really get close in person, right?) Well being in reality is good too.
I am not your best reviewer here pal so just bear with my statements. Well, I like romantic stories also but I am just one of those readers who wanted to read something new from something so common. Well I guess Solomon was right when he said that nothing is really new in this world.
No matter what, i still love your work. Keep writing.
K U D O S ! ! !