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139,506 Literary Works • 672,594 Reviews
Hello, Artemis! Wolf here for a review. (Enjoying your review spam yet?
)
So, I feel like this part is a little lacking. I understand it's supposed to be urgent and dangerous, that the stakes have suddenly been raised ten times, but I'm not feeling the panic, the urgency, the sudden need for Billie to become stronger. Honestly, I just want to know. And maybe that's a good thing. I just want to know why the heck Billie is like she is. What makes her special.
Slowly but surely you've exposed us to the problems with all the races, their histories and how they are beginning to discriminate against each other once again. Yeah, it really sucks for them, and you've shown this to us over the course of... What, like about 25 ish chapters? What I'm not getting is why is Billie so stubborn that people can just forget this? What gives her this quality? Is she just oblivious or is she just kidding herself to keep thinking the realm is everything it was what she hopped it would be.
Onto this, I kind of want to see more of Billie's motivations. What drives her to do what she does and become the person she is. Obviously she's got talent, and I have a sneaking suspicion that her dad was not just some normal human being, but what motivates her to care so much? People will die yes, but why does she care? She's got heart, but they've only been but rude to her. Though we have seen her do this with Laurel before... Hmmm.
Still, this is going great. The stakes are up and I wonder what Billie will do next. Oh, and I'm sorry for how scattered these are. Basically I'm giving you my impressions on this and you can use them as you see fit. Hope I'm helping. Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~
Hello @artemis15sc ! It's @Sylar from the Earth Benders here to review your story!
(Hopefully it will be sufficient!) Anyways, let's get in to this chapter.
I think you meant "there," not "they're."I haven't actually read your other 33 chapters (except for chapter 32), so I'm sorry if my review doesn't mean as much
Overall, I thought this was a really great chapter of a very interesting story! I have a few nitpicks:
I think you meant "they," not "the."
There's no quotation mark to end the dialogue.
I think you meant "breathe," not "breath."
I think you meant "his," not "he."
Aside from that, I thought this was a really amazing chapter! I really love the way you write. Your characters have unique and interesting voices, and your plot is really cool. At some point I'll make sure to read this entire novel!
Very nice job @artemis15sc and Happy Review Day!