The
statues in heaven are weeping,
tears falling into thirsty
mouths.
The veins have been opened,
the fruits donated to
drying gullets.
Angels’
wings have been singed,
fringes tickled by a mortal
flame.
Blackened by ravenous efforts,
they are caked in soot
and ash.
And
again the statues weep,
for the blackened wings at rest.
And
again the statues weep,
and again, and again, and again.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,829 Reviews
Ohhh..! This is fantastic
I don't know what it is about it, the way the words click together, like yeah!
It's not the same old words everybody uses too, this is different, stands out
Nice! Keep it up!
THis is quite a great poem.
love the blackened wings.
you did a great job!
Maddie
Thanks Maddie
Hey TheShauzer,
I really really loved your poem. Mostly because it wasn't so direct and spoon-fed to the reader. I like those poems where I have to read more than once and try to grasp the meaning out of the words. The same happened with this poem. I would like to believe that I got most of it. But still want to confirm so that if there was any other meaning, you could enlighten me on that:
The tears are falling into thirsty mouths of humans who never stop desiring?
The statues weep again because of the vicious circle of human wants?
Apart from this, the poem is amazing and I was left spellbound! Great work! Happy writing
-Ishita Dutt
You got it
Thanks so much for the review, much appreciation!
You got it
Thanks so much for the review, much appreciation!
You got it
Thanks so much for the review, much appreciation!
You got it
Thanks so much for the review, much appreciation!
Sorry for he duplicates, I don't even know...
Haha it's okay xD
Hey!
To be truthful, I had to read your poem a couple of times to understand its intent and from what I understood, this poem has a very taunting message.
I liked it because it was very subtle and still bold and it wasn't screaming to the reader about the sorrows of the angels and the heavens, rather narrating about them initially in a calm manner and later in a vehement manner.
"And again the statues weep,
for the blackened wings at rest.
And again the statues weep,
and again, and again, and again."
I loved this stanza, especially the repetition in the last line; for me it symbolized the never-ending loop of human disregard and nature's pain. This stanza really moved me and I feel guilty because of it.
The sadness of the angels and how their wings get burnt creates a vivid imagery of what you're trying to portray. I enjoyed this one.
Spot on shaon, it may have taken a couple of readings but you got my intent perfectly
thanks!
Hey, there! Margo here for a review. I like your use of alliteration in this piece. 'Donated to drying gullets,' sounds pretty rad!
Are the statues weeping for a reason? Perhaps they see what bad events occur everyday on Earth. Are the veins being opened the veins of humans on Earth? Punishment? Ah..the statues weep for the angels. The image that comes to mind is that of a spiritual battle. Cool!
Work on making your last stanza as cool as your first two. The statues are weeping. I get it. Talk about something else. Maybe give an explanation as to why the angels are dying or go into deeper detail with the statues' emotions.
Try:
The statues weep for blackened wings.
They're unable to help; they're unable to scream
Why can't they fight with blackened wings?
And defeat the things of the dark?
Cool poem. Gives me the chills! Remember: a good work is never done.
--MS
Thanks Margo! The whole thing is about how if we're not requesting something of the heavens we're blaming something on the heavens. We're bleeding them dry, hence the tears and the opened veins. We're slowly destroying them, hence the wings 'tickled by a mortal flame'. We're the mortal flame
Thanks for the review!
Ahhhhhhhhhh. This is very eerie and ominous. I love it.
You wrote this very well and it is very descriptive and strong and visually stimulating, based on your descriptions
The second stanza is the strongest and I applaud you for your ideas because this is very interesting snd intriguing and something I would read a lot about because its something that interests me.
I very much enjoyed it and look forward to reading more!
Continue Writing!
- Cody
Thanks a lot for the review Cody, much appreciation