Death comes not at the edge of a sword,
nor a spear's pointy tip or a bullet fast.
Death comes now on her sharp cutting words,
on my ears they hit first, on my heart they last.
Pain is no longer an unwanted guest;
it's company has rendered it a friend.
Her voice looms now like a torturous pest,
scary, too strong, I can't defend.
The wind in my head sets thoughts adrift,
floating too high in a world of unknowns.
My mind was trapped in a cage much too swift,
my tongue is gone, my voice she too owns.
Love is not a lie, but it's not what they say;
it's not this Havana of kisses and joy.
It's not a crafted piece, sitting proud in display,
but a work left undone, with your soul it toys.
Death comes not at the edge of a sword,
nor her smile, her hair or her brilliant blue eyes.
Death comes now on her sharp cutting words,
yet her I still love - it's my heart I despise.
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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
Hello!
Augustus here for review!
Wow!
That's just so much amazing. I must say since the starting of review day, I have gone through many works but you know pal, this is the best piece of work I have read since the whole day.
Your poem is simply beautiful. The way you have described love in the stanza:
"Love is not a lie, but it's not what they say;
it's not this Havana of kisses and joy.
It's not a crafted piece, sitting proud in display,
but a work left undone, with your soul it toys."
that's the heart of the poem I must say. Also the use of metaphor in the second stanza to describe 'pain' was so much brilliant. Truly you made my day!
Keep writing!
Goodbye.
Thanks Augustus
welcome bud!
Hello! I'm to review this amazing poem, because it's amazing. :p
Death comes not at the edge of a sword,
nor a spear's pointy tip or a bullet fast.
Death comes now on her sharp cutting words,
on my ears they hit first, on my heart they last.
This really is a great opening stanza. You describe what most people think of as 'moments of death', then you give an explanation of what's happening in the story of your poem. It also makes me want to read on and find out more.
I've got nothing to point out in the second stanza, except I'd like to say overall that you've done a great job with rhyming. It's often hard to rhyme without creating a children's poem, but your's still sounds dark and serious.
The wind in my head sets thoughts adrift,
floating too high in a world of unknowns.
My mind was trapped in a cage much too swift,
my tongue is gone, my voice she too owns.
You used 'too' twice in this stanza. Let's just say you used it once too many times.
It just sounds a little repetitive, maybe brainstorm some alternatives.
Nothing to say about the fourth stanza. It's great.
Death comes not at the edge of a sword,
nor her smile, her hair or her brilliant blue eyes.
Death comes now on her sharp cutting words,
yet her I still love - it's my heart I despise.
I like it how you slightly repeated the first stanza, then added in a concluding phrase.
Well done! You've honestly got a great poem here.
Thanks a lot Dracula! %uD83D%uDE02
review. i like the way you relate death to sword. sure, words carefully chosen. keep it up.
This was seriously amazing! Like wow, I wish I could capture moments and put them into words like this. How do you do it, honestly? There are no errors of any kind, I love what you did hear. Love really is death. I wrote something awhile back and I believe the last line or something was "to love is to kill yourself". I definitely agree with this stanza, all the way!
"Love is not a lie, but it's not what they say;
it's not this Havana of kisses and joy.
It's not a crafted piece, sitting proud in display,
but a work left undone, with your soul it toys."
And I absolutely loved the line, "my tongue is gone, my voice she too owns." I've felt that very same way before and it just got to me. Keep up the amazing work!