I am a child in a room full of giants,
a kid lost alone in a shop much too big.
My blood runs cold in very thin veins;
I'm a leaf blowing frail on a weak little twig.
My heart beat's weak in a hollow chest,
a slow thumping sound like a drum.
My ears are alive with a very low noise,
like a bug of some sort, a bleak dreary hum.
I'm a tumble weed spinning head over tail,
gathering dust but not enough love.
I'm caught in the wind like a flower,
trapped, surrounded, a hand in a glove.
Save me please from this sorrowful life,
I'm calling for help at a mirror.
My hands are flailing high above my head,
but the reflection's not clear; it shimmers.
Who are you to look down on me,
with your soft blue eyes, and smile?
Had you cared enough, you'd have offered a hand,
but a tortured soul was not worth your while.
Give me peace, oh Lord I pray,
as I have done before.
Give me peace, oh Lord I pray,
I wish for nothing more.
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Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I would like first to say how great examples are metaphors and similes just to describe your life or your sorrow you have deep down inside you. Also I believe that people could relate to this poem, since when we get upset, we want this sorrows to leave our bodies but they never can.
Like most poems I have read, some need to fix the errors they have in their poems. Examples:
I'm calling for help at a mirror A little confused since it seems like you are trying to call for help from your reflection (I would think).
My heart beat's The beats of the heart are not belonging or claiming anything in that stanza but the heart does own the beat so maybe change -heart to -heart's
Save me please from this sorrow life save me , please , from this sorrow life.
but the reflection's not clear Again, its should just be reflection is not clear
There are some good parts about this poem like the ending, for example. The ending has a perfect example of repetition (like most prayers do), and how you are asking the Lord to let these sins out your body so you no longer feel sad for whatever you did/someone did to you.
Farewell,
CapitalMonday
Thanks again Capital, I appreciate the criticism. He's calling for help at a mirror.. The idea here was that he's realising that he's the only one who can help him
thanks again!
Okay. So this is probably one of the best poems I've read in a long time. It really, really got to me in ways
that I totally didn't expect. It was beautiful and the imagery I got from it is just...it's amazing. You did an
awesome job with this one. I couldn't really find anything that needed to be changed and so I'll just say this:
thank you for writing such a beautiful poem. <3
Thank you %uD83D%uDE09
The imagery of this poem is beautiful. I reread it several times before writing this down. The meaning is very relatable and you executed it amazingly.
My only comment is to ask if you intended for it to say "a tumble weed sinning." To me this line makes no sense and caused me to look the stanza over again. Past that; it is a fabulous poem that I enjoyed and related to very much.
Thanks a lot, that was meant to be spinning too! :') Typos hate me!
I really liked this. There was something about it that just touched my heart. Your word choice was absolutely amazing in my opinion and I loved how you rhymed the ends, most people like myself, aren't very good at that and maintaining to keep a clear message for the reader. My favorite part was:
"I'm caught in the wind like a flower,
trapped, surrounded, a hand in a glove."
It just got to me and I don't have any words to begin to explain why or how.This poem was just really good on all levels. I didn't notice any grammatical errors or anything! Keep up the good work!
Such metaphors and imagery. With each line I read, I can imagine those metaphors coming to life. I can feel the narrator becoming more and more scared as I read. If I do have one nitpick, it's the line "but the reflection's not clear; it shimmers." I feel as if the "it shimmers" line isn't necessary. I feel that it breaks the flow of the poem itself. Otherwise, I can't wait to read more of your writing. Keep up the good work.