Young Writers Society

Hey, I'm Morrigan, dropping in for a review. It's been a while.

There's been a lot of praise for this poem already, and I can see why. It's tranquil; it's simple.

Unfortunately, I feel like its simplicity makes for a forgettable piece. I don't feel an epiphany here, only the description of a feeling for which a word doesn't exist. This doesn't feel like a Lament, but a meandering daydream.

My main suggestion is that you answer the big why in this piece. Why does the narrator long? Are they in a bad situation? Do they feel lonely, disconnected from humanity? The piece only describes the object of longing, and not why the narrator is longing, which might be a more engaging topic.

The narrator's wishes are pretty, but a bit vague still. I love when poems take me to another place just by mentioning details. You mention cobblestones (did you mean this instead of cobbled stones?), but where are they? Are they in front of a fancy hotel? Are they a habitat for moss on the edge of town? Do they shine wetly from recent rain? If the narrator is longing, I feel like it would be more effective to show what they are longing for more clearly. There are lights, but if there was nothing around the lights, there'd be no reflections.

I feel like your line breaks are a bit awkward at times. In particular, the break here is odd.

across cold cobbled stones
I will never see or walk,

I absolutely love how beautiful and simple this poem is. I love how the city is described in such a simple and yet detailed matter with the right word choices and the right adjectives to really give you an image of a shimmering city and how the viewer interprets their surroundings. I love the ending bit of how they say the eyes they met they will never know who it was and that they will forget the color of the eyes they met in the nightlife that surrounded them. Its honesty beautiful and poetic and I love how this poem shows that despite all the people and cars that this person found a set of eyes that caught them off guard even if only for a second. Good job on this poem I hope you keep writing!

This poem truly shows that "there is beauty in simplicity." I love your imagery and word choice, like "scattering amber." I also like the repetition of streetlights in "the cities and their streetlights,/
all the streetlights of the world." I usually am not fond of repeating words in lines next to each other, but you made it work. Titles, to me, are one of the key pieces in works of literature, and your title really ties in your poem. Thank you so much for sharing this piece

Hi, Theshauzer!

This piece is truly captivating, I cannot even begin to express my love for this.
Short poems always have a special place in my heart and this piece is truly magnificent.

I especially enjoyed the fact that you wrote in all lowercase, I always find the beauty in that style.

I can't even pick out my favorite line because they all are beautiful. I truly loved this piece and I will be reading more of your work because your words captivate me.

Never stop writing!
-rileywrites

Beautiful. I adore this short poem, which filled with jarring emotions and a striking message make for a moving read. The "Scattering Amber" description was apt and added a new dimension to this poem. The longing of the writer is clearly addressed and the title effectively relays the message. Please continue to write such wonderful works and enchant us with your words. Thank You

Hi there! I really love this short little poem you've written. I honestly don't have anything that I genuinely think needs improvement, I just have a suggestion about punctuation that is just an opinion and does not need to be made.

My suggestion is to add a few commas and/or semi-colons in some of the lines (which you'll see below), but again, this is purely just my opinion and isn't something that I think is necessary. Feel free to keep your original punctuation, since I feel that poetry doesn't have to always abide by "rules" set by others.

I long to reflect the lights,
the stars,
the cities and their streetlights,
all the streetlights of the world
scattering amber
across cold cobbled stones;
...