What has
offended you?
You recoil, perhaps against the wind,
ever-pummeling as it is.
Do not recoil, not to that.
The bend in
you, is it of nature?
I daresay someone has put it there,
a maliciousness, an evil, has done this to you.
Straighten up, ancient one, don’t stoop.
Oh, but you
are beautiful, are you not?
I think it is the permanence of you,
or the patience in your dwelling.
Rise up, for you madden me, rise.
Your acceptance
is taunting me,
for I wish, like you, I could be content
to sit and listen to the wind’s most
aching bellows. Do not recoil.
Not to that.
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hello!
This is quite a curious poem!
I'm so interested in who it's addressed to. Just an ancient one, is all I get.
I think the tone here is really cool. You use a long of really great words like "madden" and "recoil" and "taunting."
Honestly, the thing I have a real complaint about here is that I don't know what it's referring to at all. I don't have a frame of reference. Who is recoiling? What are they recoiling at? Where are they recoiling to? It's just very vague and abstract which means I don't get a lot from it. I just want the subject to be more concrete. The technical side of this poem is very well done, but without subject matter, it just reads like pretty words.
I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful, but without a subject, I'm not sure if anything fits or doesn't. I hope I helped you at least somewhat!
Keep writing!
~fortis
It can either refer to a big tree outside my college whose trunk is bent by the wind (the inspiration), or an old-souled person changing beneath the pressures of life (the metaphor). Thanks for the review!
Hi there! I like how this poem gives the feeling without it being to long. I like it! I have nothing to say. I do like this verse the best though:
"Your acceptance is taunting me,
for I wish, like you, I could be content
to sit and listen to the wind’s most
aching bellows. Do not recoil.
Not to that."
It's saying how hard it is for us to bend to the wind, to just bend over and take it without a fight. I like the resemblance to life. Keep writing!
Thank you very much!