In the planes of empty silence,
where winds hide deep in shadow,
where the sun is cast aside
and the moon lights up the meadows.
_
In the planes of empty silence,
where death replaces life,
where souls trudge on like zombies,
their minds set still in strife.
_
In the planes of empty silence,
'neath the gaze of huge dead trees,
where not a creature stirs,
for fear their breath would freeze.
_
In the planes of empty silence,
my hands cover up my ears.
For in that infinite darkness,
the call highlights my fears.
_
Surrounding me like endless shadow,
ringing through my brain,
the call grabs hold and pulls,
taking me onto its train.
_
My mind is in a panic,
my soul is not mine own.
For the call has beckoned me forth,
and into the darkness I've flown.
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hello and Happy Review Day... well, happy last 30 minutes of Review Day!
I always like it when people write poems that rhyme. Rhyming poems are my favourite because they flow so smoothly and just sound absolutely amazing. Your poem was especially fantastic, it felt magical and dark. And, quite frankly, I love anything which mentions the moon.
where souls trudge on like zombies,
their minds set still in strife.
Zombies!! Haha they're awesome. I'm so sorry that this review is just going on and on about what I like. The problem is that I have no nitpicks to talk about- this is practically perfect.
For the call has beckoned me forth,
and into the darkness I've flown.
And... I'm finished. Great poem, keep writing!
Thanks Jazzy, means a lot
Sorry. A duplicate review was submitted, somehow.
Hi Shauzer! I'm Eveningstar, and I'm here to review your poem.
Firstly, let me divide this poem into its elements.
To begin with, I must tell you that your control over the rhymes and meters of the poem is quite impressive. It flows smoothly without any major glitches in that department.
Secondly your description of this deathly plane is also very well written. It is ominous and eerie, without being over the top. An aura of vague but incomprehensible terror pervades throughout the poem, which I find really interesting.
I think you meant to say moon here. But if you did mean to depict multiple moons , the verb light would be singular, rather than with an 's' at the end.
This is one of my favourite lines in the poem. Brilliant imagery, creepy and memorable!
The last line of this stanza sounds forced, somehow, as if you wrote it just in order to make 'bees' rhyme with 'trees'. I feel it would sound better if the last line were to be replaced with something more befitting the otherwise grim and eerie tone of the poem. That particular line sounds more like something out of a children's nursery rhyme, and doesn't sit well with the rest of the poem.
In the last three stanzas, the effect that the 'call' has on the narrator is very vividly portrayed. In such deathly surroundings, it makes the situation seem even more horrifying and adds another layer of eeriness to the piece. The 'call' is never fully described or explained. While this does tend to be a bit confusing sometimes, it also adds an aura of mystery and suspense to an already very mysterious narrative.
Overall, this is a well-written poem, which with a few minor alterations could be truly great! Well done, and keep writing!
Thanks Star
Yep, it was meant to end at 'moon' 
The voice in my head the whole way through this was hushed and spooky; very appropriate for Halloween. I loved the way you painted this picture of a call in your mind, and how it feels to be called.
A grammatical error which almost ruined the whole poem; "my soul is not mine own." We get taught in school that you can get away with just about anything in poetry, but only if it sounds wrong with the correct grammar. And I don't think that "mine own" counts, because -to me- it doesn't sound right, and it isn't correct grammar. (It also didn't flow very well in my head.)
Apart from that, I can't think of anything else wrong with the poem. Well done, Good job.
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The voice in my head the whole way through this was hushed and spooky; very appropriate for Halloween. I loved the way you painted this picture of a call in your mind, and how it feels to be called.
A grammatical error which almost ruined the whole poem; "my soul is not mine own." We get taught in school that you can get away with just about anything in poetry, but only if it sounds wrong with the correct grammar. And I don't think that "mine own" counts, because -to me- it doesn't sound right, and it isn't correct grammar. (It also didn't flow very well in my head.)
Apart from that, I can't think of anything else wrong with the poem. Well done, Good job.
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Thanks RC