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On Love

by TheShauzer


Through the sheer fabric of her sundress,
through the skin and flesh and bone
as we lay there in bed
I hear her heart beat,
and it is enough to soften the sting
of all the day’s bites.
If this is not Love
then Heaven may yet surprise me,
for nothing on Earth compares.


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129 Reviews


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Reviews: 129

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Sat Nov 23, 2019 8:27 pm
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Anma wrote a review...



AWW cute

Hello Shauzer!

This is such a cute little poem. Even though it is short I think it caught the attention I deserved. And it is true for people who are in love to feel this way toward one another. I love the line were you said "then Heaven may yet surprise me". It adds a very nice flow of touch to it. And when you added "for nothing on Earth compares". It really made that line true.

Thank you so much for the read, and I hope to see more!

Sincerely
Anma




TheShauzer says...


Thanks for the review Anma.



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Sat Nov 23, 2019 2:21 am
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Aafrin Jamadar says...



Hi, this is Aafrin. I really like your poem on love. It just beautifully worded. I like the way you use the word heartbeat in your poem. It's just mindblowing. Just keep it up!




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Tue Nov 19, 2019 4:49 pm
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WinnyWriter wrote a review...



Hey, there! This is a nicely written piece. I like how you've focused on the heartbeat to symbolize love rather than dwelling on physical features. Using the heartbeat shows that there is a deep emotional connection between the lovers. I can agree with what has been written below that your capitalization of "Love" is very nice, as it indicates a proper noun, something specific. I notice, though, that although you have also capitalized the proper noun "Earth," you did not capitalize "heaven." However, both are places, so both are proper nouns. I would advise capitalizing either both or neither of them, just to keep uniformity.

You're a talented writer, and you create beautiful work. Keep it up!




TheShauzer says...


Thanks Winny, I appreciate it.



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Mon Nov 18, 2019 1:57 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...



Good morning!

This is a really sweet piece that I just adored. It encompasses that innocent perspective of romantic love, how pure it can be simply by being close to that special someone. There is nothing more than a reflection of life's simplest blessings being described here.

Your imagery is spot on. You've got a strong sense of vocabulary, being able to draw me in with such few words. The way you describe the scene effectively portrays the emotion well enough that I can personally feel what the speaker is feeling. That comfort and safety you feel in such a moment was expressed rather well!

I found it intriguing that you capitalized "Love" in this piece, bringing a little more emphasis to the word upon reading it silently. But the way this leads into the final couple of lines, or basically that entire sentence as a whole, was profoundly beautiful and really wraps up the theme nicely.

I very much enjoyed this piece. Well done! :)

Jabber, the One and Only!




TheShauzer says...


Thanks Jabber, lovely review.



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Sun Nov 17, 2019 8:34 pm
Raelyn wrote a review...



wow, the imagery here is mind-blowing. I really love this poem because it really warms my helpless romantic heart. I really liked the line: then heaven may yet surprise me,
for nothing on Earth compares. because it has this comparison on how of the earth to heaven, at least what I got at. And I like the ending because it really shows how amazing the thing you are feeling is. I really feel like I am connected to the author and their emotions here. Yes, this is definitely a sweet and short poem. I wouldn't change anything about the length. Usually, I am a person that likes to read a poem with a lot more length, but you made the short length just as impactful. You have a lot of talent and I will be on the lookout for more of your pieces.

Now for a couple of critics. this is all to be helpful and not a personal attack in any way. I truly do like this piece:

"of all the day’s bites." This line had me a little confused an what you were saying.

Also, the punction was a little confusing to me. What made you chose to format it this way?

GREAT JOB

Yours truly,

Rae:)




Miraculor77 says...


I think that @TheShauzer meant that "the day's bites" are all the things that hurt us during the day, everything from harsh remarks to actual bug bites, and that love can ease the pain from those bites.



TheShauzer says...


@Miraculor77 spot on, thank you. And thanks for the review @Raelyn



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Sun Nov 17, 2019 4:12 pm
Aari wrote a review...



Hi, this is Aari. Thank you for sharing this piece with us. I think it is such a sweet and short poem, and it captures such a pure moment and feeling. "If this is not love then heaven may yet surprise me, for nothing on Earth compares" -- Wow. Just reading this makes me want to feel what the writer is feeling. It's a beautiful work of art, and I wouldn't change anything.

Thank you. Keep writing and keep sharing.




TheShauzer says...


Thanks Aari, I appreciate it.




"Be happy, my friend; and if you obey me in this one request, remain satisfied that nothing on earth will have the power to interrupt my tranquility."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein