Young Writers Society

*waves* Let's get this review started!

I admire this poem's vividness. You start out with strong and evocative imagery, and carry on with the bleak and despairing tune that they convey. Whomever the narrator is, they appear to be on the verge of death, given that they're trapped in a horrific environment and seem almost totally incapable of recognizing themselves. Nevertheless, they appear to retain enough consciousness to, of all things, push away the people that may be staying with them. It is bizarre, but it appears they can find no comfort in the outside world, whereas other people may, and would rather die in the environment in which they feel more comfortable. Naturally, this makes the work rather depressing and tragic, conveyed remarkably through, among other things, the personification of stars, which illustrate the willingness of the outside world to accept him. It is also possible that he is an influential person, and the stars are infuriated that he should abandon the world and die alone, but I think the former explanation, thanks to a lack of explanation as to the narrator's nature and motivations, is more likely to be accurate.

There may be holes in this despairing poem, however. I cannot understand the metaphor featuring Asteria, as I am not familiar with her (though her name appears to correlate to many Greek mythological women). Assuming it is a metaphor, of course. That does cause some problems down the road. I personally love the ambiguity in the narrator's situation, like when it comes to the bonds they've made, but I haven't a clue how his expression would be noticed by the weeping Asteria, or whatever she is supposed to signify. Heck, he might easily blend right in, if everyone else is too despairing to notice him. If that were to be further explained, I could understand the situation of the outside world and the isolation of the narrator. Even if I didn't focus on that metaphor, I would still like to know what's happening in the outside world, as that's the only way I can justify the narrator's feeling crushed when they hear a million gentle goodbyes. Given the isolated and unknown position of the narrator, there's little chance the goodbyes would be addressed to them, so I have to assume the goodbyes are between the people of the rest of the world. Whatever situation are the others facing, I wonder? Nevertheless, this is a tragic and well-written poem, with a brilliant flow and pattern. I would like some more descriptions and explanations, but, other than that, great job!

Hey there! Shey here for a review!

Firstly, I really enjoyed this poem! It wasn't too long, but it still was a fun read. Nothing complicated either, making the reader's job relatively simple.

Something I really liked about this piece was the use of stanzas. I've noticed that more and more poets seems to be ditching stanzas formatting, and it's refreshing to see the opposite. Stanzas are very important for organization, and so when people skip them entirely, the poem becomes immediately worse.

Regarding formatting, you should definitely try out experimentation with white space. Use it to spice up your poem, accent phrases you want read with emphasis, make certain parts more important than others, etc. It'll really boost your poem, I assure you.

Something I really loved was the rhythm. Your poem doesn't ever really lose rhythm, and that's impressive. Not very many poets are capable of writing with such flawless rhythm. A applaud you for it.

Overall, awesome job! Keep up the great work, cause I look forward to seeing more from you!

Okie doke, I'm dropping by for a quick review! This poem really struck a cord in me, it made me teary eyed. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but either way it was good. My only little nit pick was on the line "leave me, leave, get out" The second leave is unessasary and it ruined the flow a bit. Other than that, it was good and I enjoyed reading it. Good job and keep up your writing!

Okie doke, I'm dropping by for a quick review! This poem really struck a cord in me, it made me teary eyed. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but either way it was good. My only little nit pick was on the line "leave me, leave, get out" The second leave is unessasary and it ruined the flow a bit. Other than that, it was good and I enjoyed reading it. Good job and keep up your writing!