The Burden of Thought

I personally like this poem. Yes I think that the description was a bit out thier but I think this poem is great! I think by reader what you have said that you wrote this poem the way it was meant to be free flowing. I think this poem showed emotion, theme, and it has a great vibe to it. You said this was your first poem. I have to ask have you written others and just not published them or is this really the first? If this is truly the first than wow you are a natural because this poem is great. Keep writing and Best of luck for whatever the future holds!

First of all, the description on your work- i.e. "please review me please"- made me think, "oh, this better be good if the poet himself thinks it is worth my time". However, I have very mixed feelings for this poem. I don't think it was bad, but certainly not worth begging for a review, even if you were joking.

Ok, so...I read your other work, "Humanity's Ignorance", and I honestly thought it was so general and pig-headed that I disliked it immensely. A smidgen of it remains here, instead focusing your attention on the "burden" of thought. Now, I will admit, I liked the extended use of rhetorical questions, which shows no resolve to the torture of constantly thinking. I also like your tone during this poem. It is consistent with your message and your poem.

Now, my major gripes with your poem shall enter the fray. It comes across as melodramatic, and not in a good way. It is the sort of melodrama that results from something trivial, like having to wait in a queue in a supermarket or not having enough pillows in your bedroom. It just seems unnecessary, because however you may feel about who you are, being bitter and over the top won't solve anything. I have been down that road before with my song lyrics, and it doesn't make for enjoyable reading. It becomes self-indulgent when only the author is willing to read their own work.

Don't interpret my review as a scathing review, because I did like some of it, especially the opening stanza. However, midway through the second stanza, I got the picture. Overall, it was ok, but you really need to focus on toning down everything, because it just comes across as either contrived or misunderstood.

Hey, so I really like this. I love the flow it has. The only things that I would change are adding a little more description and adding to the narrator background a little more. Besides those things I really like it, like I said before the flow is good and I also love the metaphors and the wording.

Hi there, TheShauzer! DrFeelGood here for a quick review.

Without beating around the bush, I'd just say, I loved this poem! It is extremely relatable poem for me at the moment. The burden of thoughts is quite big and I love the way with which you have handled this poem. There is a nice mix of imagery and examples which makes it consistently engaging. Also the examples you have used aren't just single-minded. There are variety of things you talk here.

For example, I thought this was primarily about a thought escaping from writer's mind (a slightly different way of showing writer's block) But your poem sticks faithfully with your title.
As I interpreted it, I believe this was more about thoughts distracting you while you are at work. And that is what makes this one relatable! Your theme is universal and your words are carefully used. Your treatment to the material is clear, and I like how you have tried to avoid redundancies.

The only point where I found your poem becoming slightly didactic was during this line

Why am I yet unperturbed by the regulars,
greed, jealousy, hatred, vanity -
and yet troubled deeply?