MEMORIES
In the fields the girl sways back and forth,
Goaded on by the light summer wind.
The flowers around her show their worth,
Their colours exploding in the morning light.
She begins to twirl, faster and faster.
She is dancing with the wind, the most beautiful waltz.
The smells of summer are fresh and they flatter,
No problems are brewing, no quarrels matter.
A dog jumps around
On the grass covered ground.
His dreams are fulfilled,
His freedom knows no bounds.
Dragonflies hover in the mid-morning hue,
Their light it does shine with the faintest of glows.
The girl, she spots them and enjoys the view.
They dance in the air in most intricate rows.
Now the girl is a woman,
Her waltz, it has ended.
The field is gone and the dragonflies, they flew away.
But it matters not at all,
Because she’ll always have that day.
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139,597 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
Heyy I hope you don't mind me writing a review of this wonderful poem.
In my opinion, this is like some sort of coming-of-age poem. First, it shows a young girl waltzing around the field on a bright, summer day as her dog and the dragonflies appear. Then, it shows that time flew by, and the girl becomes a women. Even though the beautiful field is gone and so are the dragonflies, she will always remember the day she enjoyed herself waltzing around the field.
This kinda seems like a love poem, because of how there is also another 3rd person point of view. It says that 'his dreams are fulfilled, his freedom knows no bounds. This boy might have had a crush on that girl, yet it is unknown either if he is together with her or not.
But again, this is a lovely poem, and it was worth reviewing for.
Thanks for the review
I had to laugh at the part where you thought it was a love poem :') That was her dog I was on about 
But again, thanks for the review 
Nice
A very sweet and sorta-make-you-want-to-cry poem, but it sort of jumped around, and for maximum crying skills, I think you could draw the last bit out a tad more, the part where she leaves.
One other minor tweak you may consider, the dog doesn't seem to quite fit with the flow….
I would love to have written this, but the genius has already been taken!
Thanks Nokri
Hi Catcha01 with a review here!
Alright first things first, I like the idea that you centered the poem arounds. Its very sweet and down to Earth. Its also cute and relates to people so I liked that aspect.
As I was reading I realized that some words you chose didn't flow throughout the poem as they should. Some even disrupted the flow of the poem itself.
ANother thing i noticed was your inconsistent rhyme scheme. In the beginning I saw a sorta aba scheme going on then you switched to free verse. for the future I believe that it would be better to read if your scheme was more consistent.
Also the poem seems unfinished in a sense at the end. "Because she'll always have that day." seems like it would lead into something rather than wrap it up.
Correct me if that was the effect your were going for, but if not I believe adding another line or tow just to tighten up your piece might help. It isn't desperately needed, but it might be a good idea.
Overall good job, once again i liked your idea and it was a good poem. Aside from these few mechanical errors it was great!
Happy Writing!
~Catcha01
Thanks for the review Catcha
I know the rhyming scheme was inconsistent, noticed it at the end but kinda liked it :')