If Only

Hello, there TheShauzer. This is Arc here with a little review!

It's been a long time since I last reviewed, so my reviewing skills might be a bit rusty. But know that I'll try my best to share my thoughts on this poem of yours.

Now first off, what I like about this one is how the narrator narrates an entire dream nestled between 'coulds' and 'mights' and 'maybes.' That has some kind of subtle beauty to it - the idea of wishing for something to happen, in detail, as if it were actually happening, even though it's not happening and hasn't happened. This tone of longing pervades your poem from the start to the end, and gives it a kind of unifying consistency. It brings the reader closer to the narrator and makes him wish too. Secondly, I also admire the simplicity of your writing style. The flow is pretty good, there's no particular word or phrase that sticks out as misplaced.

What you might want to take another look at, though, is the use of cliches and phrases like 'romantic things' which appear very generic and lack the kind of depth that you can give to your poem by dissecting it more, and abiding by the good old maxim of 'show, don't tell'. As good as it is the way it is, this poem has got potential to be more expressive.

I hope my suggestions were useful. Keep writing!

Best,
Arc.

Hey! Just stopping in for a review!
First off, I am a CHUMP for romance writing and this appealed to me just as much as the entire Twilight Saga (Which is a good thing, I was TOTALLY team Edward). My main issue is that it is predictable. When we are talking about love we all know what it sounds like and looks like. You should try and find a unique was to describe what love is. Something that would make a person think and realize that they too have experienced this. Instead of a kiss, talk about how their ambition leaked from their mouth, and you shuddered as your ears begged to listen. Ya feel me?
As far as grammar and syntax, I believe that poetry has the right to break all the rules! Your capitalization is on point and I am HERE FOR IT.
Good job and I hope one day you will wake up from your dream and find your loved one right next to you.

I absolutely love this poem it is so original and creative you are really talented

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.

So, the first thing I notice is that a few places need indentation. Those lines would be " Yes. This one." and "and say nothing,". Otherwise, the flow was great and I did not notice any comma, spelling, or other grammar mistakes. Spelling was good as well.

Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are telling us, the reader, that you know someone, and you are telling them or thinking that you could touch them, see them, look at them and not tell them wether or not that you would do that. They could ask you if you would not mind or they could as you to stop. They could want to leave the current relationship or they could want it to flourish to more then what it is. You love them, no? You say that it might all be fictional, that it's not real but you think that this person, this woman or man, might just like that it was a fictional thing, not real while you prefer that it was real.

Overall, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Thanksgiving! I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!

I found this poem very delightful to read in a wistful dreamlike sort of way. The longing for what might presently be beyond reach is palpable. It conveys a situation where the speaker doesn’t have what he desires in reality. So he wants it to be different.Wishing that the frustration of stark reality might be lessened via a dream is a common human longing and causes the reader to immediately empathize with the experience.

Suggestions: I think that “If only this were a dream....” fits in better with the rest of the poem. Also, the word “would” instead of “could” adds more assonance: “would, with, we, watch,” and makes for a better flow.


“Yes, this one.”

Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work.

Hello TheShauzer
I am Ishan and I am here to review your poem If Only .
So here we go.




Your title 'If Only' is good title. It is really a good title for a romantic poem.

In your poem, you talk about the desires of a lover. The deep desires of a lover's heart in rather the most interesting and descriptive manner

I really liked your poem and the manner in which it flowed, the emotions were expressed in the manner you wanted to, if not better .


" I could stare at you, and say nothing"
These were the best lines, according to me.
And these were even better

"watch the stars together,
And maybe see a shooting one."



A fantastic poem!!!

Keep Writing!!!

Ishan212