I'mma going to do a review, go blue! XD
Hey, I thought this was really unique! I do have some advice though.
First off I liked the way you did this, it's great to try to decipher writing and make it visual, in a simple way and you did that here. I liked the start but I do feel like it's a little too short. Is that crazy for me to say? Well, considering the second stanza is a bit longer I just thought. But you don't have to take my advice, but just for the sake of flow it would have been nice if you could have gone more into detail on that one. Some examples would be:
A headlight blasting through a window,
A beam,
glowing like the sun,
beaming,
shinning in my eyes.
Not exactly like that but something like that I felt would work as well, and maybe even add something to the poem. I usually like really short works and such because I feel there is weight on each word, but for this one I feel like you have more flexibility with it and that it would still work if you lengthened the first paragraph a bit. It's up to you though, but I just wouldn't quite understand the pattern without it.
That said though I absolutely loved your second stanza! I thought that it was very beautiful and worked really well. I liked the lines and that's why I felt it strange that the first stanza was kind of short and then the second one was long and more descriptive, especially since I don't think your topic is the difference or the fight between darkness and light. I am not really sure what your topic is. But then, I still loved and it and find it absolutely beautiful.
The last thing that I could give advice/analysis on would be the title. I think that the title is nice, but I am not exactly sure what exactly it has to do with the poem. I am guessing that it has something to do with the character being enveloped in darkness? I am not sure, so I would suggest possibly tweaking the title a bit? It's really up to you and these are all suggestions. I really loved the poem though and you wrote it fabulously, sometimes I just need someone to explain poetry to me if it's more on the abstract side, so feel free to do so. XP
Great job! Loved it!
--Dream on and on and on.
Points: 2117
Reviews: 159
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