Young Writers Society

Hey there, love.
Never happened across poetry of yours as far as I can remember, so this is a nice treat.

It feels clear to me from reading this that it's talking about that double standard that guys might have of girls (or, you know, people might have of their significant other in certain situations regardless of gender) -- that you have to be perfect but also be desirable, and somehow both of these requirements are also character flaws.

I like the jaunty rhyme. Your meter pretty much stacks up -- there are no big weird spots that stick out, so it's easy to read through and it also adds to the tone of the poem. At the end it's especially matter-of-fact because not only is it a statement, but it also has the correct meter and correct rhyme, so BAM I can take you out without even breaking a sweat over keeping in my poetry rules.

I think, however, that maybe because of the lack of imagery?? this poem feels pretty shallow. I don't think that I will remember it after I finish reviewing it because it doesn't give me anything lasting to hold on to. You know, like if you eat a hard candy, you taste it for a while, but when it's gone, it's gone. Maybe try to make this poem a lollipop -- even after you eat all the sweet stuff, something still remains and keeps you thinking (until you find a trashcan??? metaphor is going on too long...)

Give us something tougher to chew on, if you can. I guess for people who have never thought about this kind of relationship, it could be their first eye opening and stick with them, but for others we probably need something more specific in the imagery or narrative that will serve as an anchor and not let us go. That doesn't necessarily require giving these characters individual personalities. You might set up a metaphor with a physical image that works better for us. Who knows! You can play with it and see what happens.

I hope these thoughts are helpful for you, love!

Pm me or reply to this review if you have questions or comments.

Good luck and keep writing!

Hello, Defy.
Kanome here with a review for you...

Okay, first off, I really like this poem. It made me laugh the whole time I was reading it. So I like how it brings out a sense of humor, even though it is a serious situation.

Secondly, you used some obscene words, but didn't use them too much, so that's a good thing for the readers and yourself. Great job on that.

Thirdly, I don't see any grammar or content errors that is in need of editing, so congrats to you on that one also, Defy...

All in all, I really like this poem, and I can't wait to read more of your work. Keep up the great work!

Love this! When I read it, the pace felt really fast which added to the angry, spitting emotions which were conveyed. You used great phrases and held nothing back.

Great job, I read this and it felt like the words spat in anger which made it even better.