A/N: This is a short story I'll be telling in parts because it's a painful story to write. It is completely based off of a true story however I have changed some names and details to protect privacy. Enjoy.
"Fear is a communicable disease; it comes out in the sweat and passes from host to host. Fear is an incendiary agent; it combusts with stupidity." ---Hemlock Grove: a novel
For the longest time it was all just a dream. A stupid, you've watched too many episodes of Law and Order: SVU dream. But, as I've gotten older and learned more about right and wrong, I've come to think that maybe -beyond that eerie veil of dreaming and reality -my subconscious was telling me something. I can't say for sure how much of it is the truth, because I've pushed the truth back for so long. But I can say that no matter if you believe me or not, the details are all the same. They never seem to change not even once. This is my story. Now, I'm not looking for sympathy nor am I looking for justice. I just want to let it all off my chest, in a way that I know will at least touch one person. If YOU'RE reading this, and you know who you are, this is for you. For your lies, your truths and to that smile. That god damn, bastard smile.
Growing up I never had the perfect family, I still don't. When I was two, my mother and father got divorced. Having two homes, two families and basically two of everything else has always been my normal. However I grew up with my mom -under her care, alongside my brothers. This time, my story has nothing to do with my father. He's innocent. Yet at the same time, so is my mother, for the most part. She had no idea that one day a younger man (10 years younger then she to be exact) would move in across the street. She never realized that she'd fall in love with him or that one day, she'd take his last name. No, both my parents are innocent to say the least. The bad guy in this story, my antagonist, is that young blonde with the cleft chin, who, for two years I called my step dad.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hey Myjaspercat! I'm here to review the other part of this, since I'm so curious about this story.
So, let's get to it!
a stupid, you've-watched-too-many-episodes-of-Law-And-Order: SVU dream.
You need spaces between the hyphens and the words.
You need a comma between change and not.
Oooh, nice. It reminds me of 13 Reasons Why.
10 should be written as ten. So this is Andrew? I'm glad I get to know more about him and what he did now.
This is such an effective ending. You have a knack for great endings.
Wow, this was quite short. Nonetheless, it was good read , just like the second part I really love the chatty style of this writing and how the narrator seems to talk effortlessly to the reader. It's a nice introduction and sets the tone nicely, even though it's mostly just introducing the characters and the story in general. It's so effective, through, and very powerful in my opinion (for something so short). The description of the antagonist is probably one of my favourite parts.
Honestly, I'd either add this to another part of the story of extend it, because it's so short. Gotta save those points.
Thanks for the read,
regismare
Thank you for the review.
Hi there!
So first of all, I'm going to disagree with papillote (sorry). I liked the description of the antagonist - I thought this was actually the strongest line in the story so far.
I like that we get a little bit of a physical description, and that it's not what you'd really expect of an antagonist: young, blond, I'm picturing kind of the hero type because of the chin, which is just about the opposite of what you'd expect. Additionally, the "who for two years I called my stepdad" is really chilling, because we already have a nasty hint of where this story is going. And considering any sort of parent - step or otherwise - is supposed to be a position of love, trust, and protection, this is extra horrifying already.
I also find it interesting that the narrator says the parents are completely innocent. Someone who hasn't been through this sort of thing might expect the narrator to be angry - why didn't their parents protect them? - and maybe that'll come out later. But it was interesting to see the narrator insist that this isn't the parents' fault.
And to be fair to the parents, I'm sure they'd be horrified and feel at fault anyway if they found out about this. (At least I hope that's the case.)
I think the weakest bit right now is this.
It's all right. There's no need to explain why this is being written - unless you feel a need to, I guess. But "this is my story" is really never a necessary line, especially with a first person narrator. You could honestly skip right from "they never seem to change, not even once" to "if you're reading this, and you know who you are..."
I hope this was helpful. And I hope you'll ask for help if you need it - not about the story itself, but the events of the story. Don't push yourself too much. Writing about something can help you come to terms with it and work through it, but if it gets to be too painful or brings on panic attacks or flashbacks, it's okay to stop.
Blue
Thank you for the review, I also appreciate your concern but to clear this up now, I am not the person I'm writing about in this story. This was something told to me by a very close friend who has given me permission to write it down, she's kind of my "co-author" so to speak.
Ah, okay. Any time I see something sad or disturbing that's based on a true story, I just like to make sure people are okay. But I'm glad your friend has you to help her out.
Hi, Myjaspercat.
It was an interesting first part. I found it maybe a little too short. But I understand it's the way you mean to go. It was believable and moving. I was only surprised at two things. Your protagonist is very careful to exonerate their parents. I would have imagined that they would be very angry with them, rational or not. The other thing is that last sentence, « The bad guy in this story, my antagonist, is that young blonde with the cleft chin, who, for two years I called my step dad. »
It sounds like a very strange way to describe someone who hurt you so deeply and so intimately.
Small typos :
« For the longest time[,] it was all just a dream. A stupid [dream], you've watched too many episodes of Law and Order: SVU[]. » « They never seem to change [-] not even once. » « Growing up[,] I never had the perfect family[.] I still don't. » « However[,] I grew up with my mom -under her care, alongside my brothers. » « Yet[,] at the same time, so is my mother, for the most part. »
Thank you for the review, I'm curious to know why describing the bad guy that way is strange.
Amazing, amazing!! I really like it! I love how you make the reader feel the pain, the confusion, everything. I also like how you left it hanging. That is awesome! I honestly cannot wait to read the rest. I loved how you began the story too. That's all I have to say!