I am...
like a lonely bench with a broken heart,
sitting beside an empty road.
No one walks along that road.
No footsteps disturb the silence.
No one ever stops.
But somehow,
one day,
a little bird with colorful wings
and soft feathers came to me.
It always sat on me and chirped,
filling my silence with its little melodies.
And somehow,
those melodies began to heal
my broken heart.
Slowly.
Little by little.
Until one day,
I found myself smiling again.
I thought I had forgotten
what loneliness felt like.
But one day,
that little bird left
with other beautiful birds.
And it forgot me.
Even at the end it
didn't glance back at me
before disappearing into the sky.
It never returned.
And now,
I am still here.
The same old bench.
The same empty road.
The same unbearable.
My healing heart
has begun to break again into pieces.
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142,027 Literary Works • 676,367 Reviews
Hi moon!! I figured I'd review this lovely work!!
What Makes It Work
- Comparing a lonely, broken person to a bench by an empty road is brilliant. A bench is an object designed for connection and rest, which makes its isolation feel even more tragic.
- The poem takes the reader on a clear, painful journey, moving from isolation to healing, and then dropping back into an even deeper sense of loss.
- The short lines and spaced-out stanzas mimic the slow passing of time and the quiet nature of grief.
Areas to Fix
In the fifth stanza, there is a small grammar issue.
A possible fix: You could change this to the past tense to match the rest of the poem: "It always sat on me and chirped..."
The line "My healing heart / has begun to break again" is very direct. Because the first half of your poem relies so beautifully on metaphor, you could bring that imagery back at the end to make the heartbreak.
You could focus on the wood of the bench cracking or splintering under the weight of the weather, mirroring the heart breaking, instead of directly stating.
Love, Calix <33