That day, I was happily standing in the rain, smiling as the drops fell over me. I watched the people around me laughing, walking together, and holding umbrellas over each other.
Then, I noticed that everyone seemed to have someone, while I had no one beside me.
That day, the rain didn't make me happy for the first time . It made me realize there was no one to hold an umbrella over me, and no one to ask if I was okay. The rain was falling on everyone, but somehow, it felt like it was falling only on me. Even the rain seemed to feel sorry for me—it stopped halfway, as if it couldn't bear to watch me anymore. And when the rain stopped, my tears were no longer hidden...
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Dancing in the rain is a hope and dream of mine, so I love this poem; this is how I feel every time it rains because I also have no one to dance with. Regardless of being alone, I still enjoy the rain because where I'm from, rain is a sign of nourishment and hope. The rain helps flowers grow; one day someone will show up on your doorstep with flowers that the rain gave life to,o so in a way, the rain will bring you your person one day.
Thank you
This poem is such a powerful piece. The way the narrator uses nature to capture their inner world, especially transforming the rain into an actual character is so beautifully done. Is this a common theme in your poems? Using nature and the elements around us, because I really do enjoy it.
At first, the rain feels like a shared, almost magical experience, but it quickly turns into a mirror for absolute isolation. You can feel the sharp contrast between the warmth of everyone else sharing umbrellas and the cold realization of being completely alone in the open. But the moment that truly made me go "wow" is when the rain stops halfway. Giving the rain its own personality by making it seem as though even the storm itself feels pity and can't bear to watch the narrator suffer adds such a haunting layer to the sorrow. And when that rain clears, leaving those tears completely exposed, it leaves you feeling just as vulnerable as the narrator.
I love how evocative and raw this writing is! Again, I really do feel like the prose format flattens the rhythm. Because it’s written as a block of standard prose, you just naturally skim through it at a normal reading pace. Breaking it into distinct stanzas or shorter lines would force the reader to pause at key moments such as when the rain stops halfway.
This may be me going on a rant but I have been getting much more into poetry and its inner workings and I have read “A Retrospect” and “A Few Don’ts” By Ezra Pound. Pound was basically a poet and scholarly critic of literature during the 20th century. He's pretty well known and even directly influenced and edited many works of famous authors. His Retrospect gives a lot of pointers and information on writing poetry which is a great help for beginners and basically people who arent on Pounds level of knowledge.
He outlines three principals to consider when writing:
1. Direct treatment of the “thing” whether subjective or objective.
2. To use absolutely no word that does not contribute to the presentation.
3. As regarding rhythm: to compose in the sequence of the musical phrase, not in sequence of a metronome.
It will be too long to talk about them here but basically for this poem, i find that is rule "Pound’s Rule: Never state an abstract emotion directly when a concrete image can carry the weight. The natural object should always be the adequate symbol." applies to this heavily.
In the poem there are phrases like "the rain didn't make me happy" or "it made me realize there was no one..." stating the internal processing out loud rather than letting the scene evoke it naturally.
Try to strip away explanations of what the narrator felt or realized. Let the contrast between physical details like the couple sharing an umbrella versus the bare rain hitting cold skin deliver the emotion without explicit framing.
"Use absolutely no word that does not contribute to the presentation"
Pound’s Rule: Cut every redundant word, excess explanation, or weak filler that dilutes the central image.
In the poem for example, one of the lines, "I noticed that everyone seemed to have someone, while I had no one beside me" use a lot of words to state a simple realization. Condensing the wording so each phrase convey the meaning rather than allowing filler to push it can elevate the poem so much more.
Then of course there is the form thing I mentioned earlier, that is also one of Pounds rules. I do suggest looking at Ezra Pound and his ideas on what it means to write poetry. He has great advice that i think many should look at.
This is such a breathtaking poem, Moon! Please keep writing more so I can consume every single word!
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/articles/69409/a-retrospect-and-a-few-donts