That day, everyone left me, and the silence in the room was so heavy I felt completely overwhelmed. I looked up at the sky, but the moon ignored me, as if I didn't even exist to it. Inside, it felt like my heart was breaking into pieces. I tried to scream, but the silence swallowed my voice. Even my dark shadow stopped following me. In that total stillness, I could only hear my own ragged breathing and the salty drops of water falling from my eyes. Then, I completely dissolved onto the floor and closed my eyes. But suddenly, I opened them and saw it—my shadow was right there, quietly waiting for me behind.
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141,626 Literary Works • 675,274 Reviews
Hey, moon! I really like this one! It seems straightforward but has quite an intriguing idea behind it.
The first thing that struck me was the title itself - "Even my shadow hates me." It makes one expect something truly horrible to happen to the shadow, so I liked how the actual poem resolved this anticipated event.
I liked how it gave a sense of personification to the shadow, almost making it a character itself. After all, the moon seemed to have the ability to ignore the speaker, so it was only fair to grant the shadow the same power.
Then, the following line made an unexpectedly emotional resolution to the build-up
It was probably my favorite part because it showed that the shadow, in the end, was still with the speaker. It made me reevaluate the meaning of the title, almost giving the reader a false sense of the author's intentions. Perhaps the shadow didn't hate the speaker, after all it just seemed to in the beginning because it was trying to get its point across.
I also liked the moon imagery; saying that "the moon ignored me" was a simple yet effective way to show that the speaker was lonely. I think that the fact that the moon can simply ignore someone gives the speaker a sense of hopelessness and even depression.
Personally, I felt that some parts could be more poetic. As in, using more descriptions of events rather than explaining them. Words such as "then" and "suddenly" give the poem a feel of a short story, while the descriptions themselves could be more vivid.
In conclusion, I liked this poem! It had a very simple idea behind it but had a clever resolution with the shadow, and I felt that it gave the reader quite an emotional resolution upon reading the last lines.
Lovely work!<3
~hira♡
Thank you
heyo! my name's yuuki~ i don't think we've met, so i'm kind of going into this blindly. but enough of that, let's get into the review.
first off, i found this in the poetry section, and i have to note that to me it feels a bit more like a narrative, rather than poetry. however, artistic expression is important so you might ignore this if you so choose.
i think i enjoyed this quite a bit, it reminds me of the poems i like to write. i like the personification used when you state "the moon ignored me."
this shows that things are there, even if you can't see them. i may be digging too deep though :)
i think this feels a little blunt, like you could use more poetic language rather than "then" or "suddenly," as these words make it feel like a chronological list.
overall, this was very enjoyable. keep it up :)
~yuuki the dinosoor
Thankyou for your review. Check my other peoms if you like to
:)