Death

Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

I'm Asa, your beginner reviewer! I'll try my best to review your beautiful poetry!

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
The poetry seems like focus more on the "death", while the only hint toward the "life" is the line of "... when everything turns cruel." and "When will I get peace". The poetry shows the beautiful and peaceful of the "death" rather than explaining further on the "cruelty of life". On the last few lines, it shows the "envy" of things that "get" the "death", meanwhile He is not.

I am personally love this the choice of wording, that makes something feels the opposite of how majority of people will feel. For me, it's beautiful.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I am not sure if I could suggest a room of improvement. I'd be honest that I didn't read poetry enough. But based on my impression alone, let's say its put like "beautiful/peaceful" and "cruel/envy", I personally think that it can be directed toward the play of emotion. One can make the poetry to be incrementally beautiful/peaceful, and suddenly a twist of cruel at the end of it. Or one can turn it into a roller-coaster of both.

There is a part I don't understand myself, like the "yet it holds four dimensions." and it has no further elaboration. So I just nod in the process and continue. If I would rephrase the line, I could use it as like someone who try to say it without any sense, for example like below

---

I do not know why

death has five letters,

while life has four,

isn't that make death greater than life?

---

for example for my approach, it makes as if the poetry is written by people who as confuse as it is. the poetry doesn't want any sense, its just an approach of someone who longing for death, and try to make the death itself be pretty than everything.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
This line "Death seems kindest to me, when everything turns cruel." is enough for me to keep reading. As I said in the "Top Graham Cracker", which something that not supposed to be or feel like that, it's beautiful. It's trying to tell the beautiful/peaceful of death, but with barely telling about how cruel life, and why only seek peaceful in death.

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
This poetry is pretty and beautiful in my own perspective for its feeling and the word structures.

sorry this was supposed to be a review, so I posted my review above.

overall, beautifully written of the "longing for the death"

alr I need something to review for team tortoise. hello moonie!!! I think I'm gonna call you moonie. is that okay? okay. this poem reminds me of stuff I write, with a darker theme. Looking at this, I wouldn't say the narrator is experiencing suicidal ideation but rather just waiting for this life to be over. I like the voice that his provides. I liked the repetition of the words "I am the one." overall it was really nice to read :)

thank youuuu
~ yuuki the dino

Reading this is something that I feel a lot of people understand and those who don't probably have not gone through many hardships in life that hurt them so much they spiral into depression. This depicts a sense of that depression that I feel helps to connect many people.

Death seems kindest to me
when everything turns cruel.

I do not know why
death has five letters,
while life has four—
yet it holds four dimensions.

Every day, leaves fall from their branch
and the sun dips deep into the sea.
But why not me?

I think I am the one
who is happily inviting death in.

Don't beg for death. Everyone feels like this.I felt like this recently I understand how you feel