I think the sky is braver than me because we both smile in front of everyone, yet I have no courage like the sky to cry in front of everyone...
I think I'm a loser with no failure, a winner with no achievement, and a human with no happiness...
I heard people say that leaves dance with the breeze beautifully, but no one realized the leaf is not happy; it is just its fate to dance along with the wind...
Maybe I am also the leaf that is waiting for autumn...
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,556 Literary Works • 674,957 Reviews
Hey moon, first off I want to offer a warm welcome to the site! I always love to see new poets join, and was happy to see you've already been posting some really nice poetry for us to check out - keep writing! Hope you stick around!
Now on to your poem -
My interpretation of the poem is that the speaker is struck by the similarities / differences between them and Autumn (specifically Autumn Leaves) they see the vulnerability in Autumn's display of emotions, while they feel distant and maybe even dissociated from what's going around... they find some connection further with leaves in thinking that just as they have hidden sorrow, leaves also are maybe sorrowful as they fall. The poem ends in thinking maybe they are just waiting for their autumn like the leaves do.
I thought your concept was really interesting and intriguing as it brought some comparisons about seasons and leaves that had never crossed my mind! I also really resonated with the idea about letting tears flow being an act of bravery and power! (That's something I truly agree with! Our emotions aren't weaknesses they are signs of the strength of our heart and compassion!)
Now I think something that could be fleshed out a bit more is the connection between the losses that the speaker describes and just how that connects to Autumn... I could see loneliness / failure / sadness all having comparisons to waiting, absence, cool-weather etc, but you don't quite make those connections within the poem for the reader they are only implied.
I think also connecting the first half with the poem (contrasting the speaker to Autumn) and then connecting that a little more clearly to the second half (comparing the speaker to Leaves) will help the message have a bit more clarity and punch too.
Finally, I think a little more fall imagery throughout would be a welcome addition to make this message stick!
Overall, I love your unique take! And really hope that you see posting poetry as something that is also brave and powerful and something worthy of celebrating sharing your voice! Thanks for sharing your poem here, keep on writing more!
A
Aww, big hugs with consent. I hope your soul heals fully, and may you find light along your journey. This poem contains pure raw emotion, kudos to you lovely poet! Keep bleeding!