>I love the ocean and you are the sea,
The waves crash—that's what you mean to me.
You pull me close like a water flows,
My endless ocean, I won't let you go.
>The first time I saw your face,
Your bright smile lit up the whole place.
A sparkle in your eyes so clear,
I know I loved you right here.
>I feel this love with every wave and much more,
I'd change my whole world just to reach your shore.
You are my first love, deep and so true,
My hidden treasure, I love only you.
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141,626 Literary Works • 675,274 Reviews
Hey moon! I have read your poem “My ocean.” I think that it is a good love poem, but I like that you managed to keep the theme of ocean/seas throughout the poem well.
I like how you started the poem because it already shows the comparison that will go throughout the whole poem. Your speaker is talking about the ocean and comparing it to another person. The ocean then represents the speaker’s love interest, and you can see that throughout the poem via the waves, shore, and the endless water.
My favorite part is probably
I like how you made it sound like the person is far away because “shore” suggests that, and it also goes well with the “endless ocean” part.
Moreover, I liked how in the second stanza you shifted from a general idea to something more specific. Your speaker starts talking to themselves and remembers how their feelings for this person had started the first time they saw them and their smile.
I think that you could possibly work on some diction and rhyme a bit more to make the poem more unique. Some things were predictable, such as “deep and so true” and “hidden treasure”, so maybe next time add some more unique metaphors from your imagination.
In conclusion, I liked your poem. It felt sincere, and I like that you managed to keep the same theme of oceans throughout the poem and end it with something romantic, such as talking about the treasure.
Lovely work!<3
~hira♡
Thank you very much
I love the imagery of the pushing and pulling of the tide.
This is giving Hay There Delila in the best way possible.
I would put the beginning of this line before the next line so it reads like this: "that's what you mean to me, the waves crash, you pull me close as water flows." This way it doesn't affect the rhyming, and it makes it feel more flowy.