The afternoon was unusually quiet.
We sat on the old bench beneath the tree, where we always used to sit after class.
He had his book again.
That same book.
I had seen him read it so many times that I could recognize the worn edges of its cover from a distance.
I leaned closer and looked at the book in his hands.
“Are you seriously reading that again?” I asked.
He didn't look up.
“Yes.”
I frowned.
“You've read it so many times. Don't you ever get bored?”
He turned another page.
“No.”
I laughed softly.
“You're weird.”
He finally looked at me and smiled.
“Maybe.”
I smiled back and watched him return to his book.
There was something about the way he read. He always seemed to disappear into those pages, as if the rest of the world stopped existing whenever he opened it.
I had always wanted to know why he loved that book so much.
But he never told me.
I looked at him for a while.
He looked cute.
“You look cute,” I murmured.
He didn't seem to hear me.
I rested my elbow on my lap and looked at him again.
“Why do you read that book every day? Again and again?”
He didn't look at me.
A faint smile touched his lips, as if he were holding something inside.
Then he slowly pulled the book away from his face and looked into my eyes.
“Because someone gave me this.”
I grew curious.
“Who?”
His eyes briefly fell to the book before returning to mine.
“My lover.”
The moment that word left his mouth, my smile vanished.
“You… like someone?”
My voice trembled.
He chuckled softly.
“No. I don't like her.”
He paused.
“I love her.”
My heart sank.
“She loves me too.”
I looked into his eyes.
He looked so happy talking about her.
I tried to smile.
I really did.
But something inside me had already gone quiet.
He noticed my expression change.
He reached over and touched my shoulder.
“Hey… are you okay?”
I nodded.
I smiled.
But my tears betrayed me.
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141,626 Literary Works • 675,269 Reviews
Review time!
I really liked this story, the feeling of someone you love being taken really hit me in this story. I loved how well you conveyed the emotion, my favorite lines were “But my tears betrayed me.” And “I had seen him read it so many times that I could recognize the worn edges of its cover from a distance.” The personification of the tears, the detailed description of the book very nice 😔👌
But I think you should add what I like to call ✨writer seasoning✨ which is basically my dorky little word to phrase things in a more interesting way, here’s just some ideas.
For one at the: “We sat on the old bench beneath the tree, where we always used to sit after class.” Maybe you could add some more descriptions, what does the tree look like? What does the bench look like? And since they sat beneath the tree on that bench so many times they’re likely familiar with even small details. Like the familiar edges of the bench where the old white paint had chipped off. And for the tree you could describe the shape and color of the leaves is it a big or small tree? Not only does this give your story some more flair but also helps the reader visualize the setting.
You could also add some description to the book, I feel like you should know more about it since it’s such a center point of the story. Is it a modern or more old book? Is it small or heavy with a lot of pages? Maybe do a little bit of that the cover looks like and what the title is.
And when are character says he looks cute what makes him look cute? Maybe he had deep warm brown eyes, or brown skin that reminds them of a sweet morning coffee or maybe bright blue eyes that sparkle like sapphires. Just corny but cute stuff like that.
I think overall this story would be great with more detailed descriptions and more creative ways of writing like metaphors, personification, similes and all that good stuff. But I really liked this concept and the emotions at working the story. Keep up the great writing! 👍
The way it felt like a slap in the face when the guy said the book was from his lover 😭
Hi again Moon1! Don't take my advice to heart, I am by no means an expert at this. This is just my personal reflection when reading this. Do not feel like you need to change anything.
That set you up wonderfully for the rest of the short story. (I'm guessing its a short story?)
The "My voice trembled" was a wonderful touch, just showing raw emotion
This did confuse me, cause at first I thought they were boyfriend/girlfriend, until he said his lover gave him the book. Then when he touched her shoulder and showed concern, I was confused about what their relationship is. ???
Overall, I give this a 6.9
Why?
1. It was giving poem vibes, but it had dialogue. I am not sure if a poem can have dialogue, not an expert in poem laws.
2. It is very vague in a sense, I am not sure if I can explain it very well... But like it is just a little unnatural.
I love all of your works, I think knowing what else you could do, this one felt either unnecessary or rushed.
Overall, this is a good peice. Maybe just revise it a bit
Like he is the best friend, like friends
OKOK