They think I'm so happy and always smiling, but no one knows that I died from inside and my heart rusted long ago.
No one knows that I'm sitting alone in the dark with a small hope of entering the light.
No one knows that sometimes my eyes become an ocean, and my cheeks get wet, that are never going to dry.
No one knows that my soul aches all the time with the hope of getting peace, like I want to separate my soul from my body and bury it deep in the soil.
My life is straight, yet not my footsteps.
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141,556 Literary Works • 674,957 Reviews
I enjoyed this poem. The repeated “No one knows” works well because it gives the poem a confessional, almost claustrophobic feeling, as though the speaker keeps revealing another layer of what they hide. I liked “sometimes my eyes become an ocean,” since it gives the sadness a simple but effective image. The final line, “My life is straight, yet not my footsteps,” is my favorite. It feels more ambiguous than the rest of the poem.
My main critique would be to work on some of the phrasing and imagery so the emotions feel less directly stated. Lines like “I died from inside” and “my soul aches all the time” communicate the feeling clearly, but they are familiar expressions, so giving them a more personal image could make them hit harder. The poem repeats the same idea of hidden sadness several times. Developing that idea rather than restating it could give the poem more progression. There is a strong emotional foundation here; making the imagery more specific to this speaker would make it feel even more personal.
Thank you for this read.
this was such a beautiful poem, it was short but still hit super hard, especially for me since i can relate to it
I really like the ocean line and how at least from my impression you implied that you wanted to be released from this life or body with "entering the light" and "separate my soul from my body and bury it deep in the soil"
it could just be me, but I found the last line a little confusing with the footsteps part, but I think I might just be missing what it implies. it felt unresolved but I honestly liked it and it made sense with the topic of this poem. overall, I really enjoyed reading this poem, it was awesome, but I'm sorry you feel that way
Aww thank you so much. Ahh about that last line i can explain you if you want. And read my other works too
@ArdenJinn likes this work I see
🙂