I wonder what people would say
if they met the child I used to be.
I had no stories
about playing with friends,
no afternoons filled with laughter,
no memories of being held
while the world felt too loud.
I mostly remember
playing alone.
And when I think of home,
I don't remember
the sound of my parents calling me to play.
I remember arguments.
Raised voices.
Doors closing.
Silence afterward.
I remember people looking at me
and finding things to judge—
my appearance,
my habits,
the little things
I never knew I was doing wrong.
I remember getting hurt.
Crying.
Then wiping my face
before anyone could ask why.
Somewhere along the way,
I learned to wear happiness
like a mask.
And somehow,
that mask became so convincing
that everyone believed it was my face.
Now I laugh with people.
I make them smile.
I listen when they're hurting.
Somehow, everyone finds me
when their own hearts become too heavy.
But no one asks
what is inside mine.
No one asks about
the thoughts I buried so deeply
that even I became afraid
of digging them back up.
They know my laughter.
They know the version of me
that makes them feel less alone.
But the child underneath it—
the one who played alone,
cried quietly,
and learned to hide her pain—
almost nobody ever met.
And sometimes I wonder
if anyone will ever look past my laughter
and ask
" who were you before you learned to smile? "
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141,750 Literary Works • 675,677 Reviews
hi moon, hope you're good.
This is a bittersweet poem. I can definitely relate to it; I often played by myself as a child. I like that you begin by listing things that you didn't have, immediately showing the absence that is heavy within the poem.
this part is specific, and that's what makes it stand out to me. Specificity can make these sorts of poems stand out more.
Following it with these short, fragmented sentences really hit hard, like a door being slammed in our face too.
Here i think it gets weaker; the idea here is nice, but it would be improved if you wrote about physically burying things in the dirt, giving it something more visceral, rather than just telling us. The poem is all general statements, rather than something specific, like what you played with alone or one thing someone criticised you for. That would make it more believable to me!
I also think letting the lines be longer in some places, rather than uniformly chopping them up onto new lines, would give it a better sense of flow. Chopping and changing would allow you more control over where the poem hurts the most.
(to add, i do suspect your poem was edited with AI assistance. I'm sure you can write better without it.)
Thank you for your review and i just wanted to clarify that I wrote the poem myself. I only used AI to help me with some grammar/wording, not to write the poem itself,But thank you i won't use it next time
I do get the idea behind wanting to do that, but it's best to learn for yourself! I'm sure everyone here can give tips if you're struggling with something! Some of my old poetry is AWFUL (and i mean, terribly, terribly bad!) but if AI had been around then and I'd used it to help, then i never would have grown as good as i am today (and i'm still learning even!)
Thank you. Actually my problem is those grammer sometimes i write lines that's feel weird thats it but am sure i will not take help by ai