>If you are the flower, then I will be your butterfly.
Please let me touch you.
If you are the music, then I will be your melody.
Please let me dance with you.
I beg you.
>If you are the sun, then I will be your ocean.
Please let me kiss you.
If you are the tree, then I will be your leaves.
Please let me hug you.
I beg you.
>If you are the fire, then I will be your candle.
Please let me melt beside you.
If you are the sky, then I will be your clouds.
Please let me cover you.
I beg you.
>If you are the eyes, then I will be your lashes.
Please let me protect you.
If you are mine, then I will be yours forever.
Please let me love you.
I beg you.
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142,003 Literary Works • 676,295 Reviews
This feels like the writer is wearing their heart on their sleeve and it was a lovely read.
I also get the feeling that the love being expressed is only being shown in one direction. I love that each paragraph ends with "I beg you", conveying to the reader the writers desperation for acceptance. It feels emotional and hits hard.
ooooo I love this poem!!
Its such a good idea to use indents < you put to indicate start of the paragraph. IDK if everyone else does that but its something I will keep in mind from now on. Maybe others do but I'm just blind.
Back to your poem:
These are just some ideas of mine but its already soooooo amazing without changing!!!!
would it better to say 'if you are the moon then I will be your ocean' ? Since the moon pulls the tide (so signifies that the speaker will follow their lover anywhere) and also it matches your name
I love the 'let me hug you' line, but maybe 'let me grow with you'? Both of them are experiencing changes and highlights their youthfulness?
Lightswitch
Tqsm you know why i mention sun and ocean instead of moon go read my work called " Moon's first love you will understand "