I am, sometimes, excitedly over-rung
and pause in your nooks
and pockets
to wonder what I smell of
when I’m tangled with you.
Days will be there when I
raise my skins above my head
and feel your scent all over me,
only to guiltily and mistakenly realize
it is really only my own.
We deepen our noses into each others' necks.
The tips, cold and dry,
search through a land of sweat
and soft, sweet sighs, and
like a reaction we breathe in, mouths closed.
My nose is awkwardly crooked
when it brushes and dips with yours.
The two bend against one another
like blades of grass
being moved by our winds.
I love the sensation
of a nose brushing mine in a kiss.
We roll our heads back and forth,
as if our heads were saying no,
but our noses were saying yes.
I am, often, strikingly over-whelmed
by the thought that our noses
are as detailed and unique
as the moments in which we meet and crash,
and that it is the most beautiful thing in the world.
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138,198 Literary Works • 672,081 Reviews
Hi Hibiscus!
I haven't had my first kiss yet so I can't speak from personal experience, but I feel like most people don't really think about their noses when kissing. That's a big reason why I think this poem is really interesting.
You have very clear imagery, which I love. I also really like the first stanza, especially the "wonder when I smell of when I'm tangled with you." That's beautiful.
I'm going to be a little picky.
"Really" seems unnecessary.
You have an extra space before the third line. "Being" is a weak word so I'd omit it if I were you.
I don't really like the first two lines because the rest of your poem is all about imagery and you get the sense of the narrator's feelings through that imagery. The "I love the sensation" basically states what the reader can figure out on his/her own, especially since you have the lovely final stanza that depicts that feeling.
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Overwhelmed is one word without a hyphen. Not over-whelmed.
I enjoyed reading this poem. Great job!
- Summerless
This is cute!
I think this is very creative and really cool!