Day one.
I padded through the snow today.
The wind took a spin right through my coat.
So much for this coat
that I’m stuck with for life.
Doesn’t do me much good.
Day two.
Conquered that hill.
Climbed its sheering, icy surface.
Panted the whole entire way,
but made it in time
to see the sun set.
Wonder why I went so far, so long,
just to watch something leave.
Day three.
I’m so hungry.
I swear if I don’t get something to eat...
I don’t know what I’ll do.
Hunger makes me desperate.
I swear I’ll do anything I can!
Wish you trusted me again,
wish you believed in me once again.
Day four.
I can’t even recall what it was I did.
I’m positive whatever it was
I didn’t mean to.
If only I had a second chance...
I think about you so, so often.
You don’t even know it.
Day five... Six more weeks... Twelve more months pass...
I don’t know what day it is anymore.
I tell secret wishes to myself.
Like maybe you’ll decide to call my name once again.
I’d hear it if it was you.
Hey, maybe you’ll even take me back.
(So I wrote this poem a while ago... and then wrote a short story about it... All of this was sometime last year. Anyway, I wanted to see how you all felt about this before I went and posted the short story.
I wonder if you can catch the hinted thing in this poem.)
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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
I don't think that there's a huge need for flow in this piece.. I think it was perfectly done for what it is. The day by day concept is interesting and well done in this.. especially towards the end, when you spoke of losing track of the days. Great job.. very creative.
-Coral-
I really liked this poem. To me it sounded like it was given from the point of a lonely/insane person. The only thing I could ask for is a better flow. Maybe you meant every day to be a different day but if you could tie them all together with one detail I would enjoy it more. I'm a lover of uniformity so others may see this differently.