I ate my heart in solitude
watching three years grain by.
Grain like sand paper
itching on an edge.
As if something was going to happen.
Passing by I saw a child;
filthy, starved, and drained,
who caressed an apple in his lap.
I pondered, looking,
and in return he answered with a smile.
Holding up the apple,
the boy began changing before my eyes
into a man.
Leaning forward, beaming,
he spoke in a strong voice.
He said, "The apple told me
that it wanted to live."
(Wrote it about a year ago. It was inspired by Stephan Crane's poem, "In the Desert". I'm just hoping it doesn't sound too much like that... I feel like I was copying off it too much which isn't so fun. : I)
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139,491 Literary Works • 672,582 Reviews
gr8 job....keep it up!
Mmmmm, this poem is really good. The idea of the apple and the man growing together is quite nice.
I really have no suggestions. Gooooood work!
This is a very interesting poem. I don't think you need a period at the end of the fourth line, though:
It cuts off the thought before it's able to finish. The poem is very choppy, but so is "In the Desert," so I'm guessing that's on purpose? I like how you kind of made reference to the other poem with the beginning. You can tell that it's inspired by Stephen Crane's poem, but I don't think it's too similar. To me, it kind of seems like a response to it, which I don't think is a problem.