Finally

by Hibiscus

Published July 8, 2010

In Poems

I look forward to the door.
It is sealed secure,
but since this is an elated story
I will unlock it.
Away with the beclouded clutches,
and flushed wood.
Take hold of the pearly knob,
and wind it downwards.
I free it like a yawn.
As it maneuvers
it is rendered passable.
And I pluck deep an inspiration.
I'm embarking into herbs and spices,
and marmalade sunset.
Unconstrained,
expressing,
existing...
yes.

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
CaptianRandom
Review
CaptianRandom wrote a review Review · Jul 10, 2010

Hi Hibiscus my name is CaptianRandom,
First of all i really did not like this poem, in all honesty you could have turned this poem into a short story, it was good length, but no space between writing, sorry but i did not like the poem sorry.

-CaptianRandom

User avatar
Abigail_W.
Review
Abigail_W. wrote a review Review · Jul 9, 2010

Hibiscus wrote:I look forward to the door.
It is sealed secure,
but since this is an elated story
I will unlock it.


I have always been taught not to refer to the story you're telling. I'm personally not fond of "but since this is an elated story."

Hibiscus wrote:I'm embarking into herbs and spices,
and marmalade sunset.


Great imagery here. Couldn't you just visualize a marmalade sunset. It's like I'm watching one right here as I look at the words. It almost reminds me of the Beatles song, "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds:" "Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies."

User avatar
ziggiefred
Review
ziggiefred wrote a review Review · Jul 8, 2010

Hello there

I like this a lot. It was as if I was watching those horror movies where the MC opens the door and BAM! But this was excellent and the way you wrote it. It can also be viewed metaphorically, if you look at it at another angle.

I free it like a yawn.funny


good job :)

User avatar
CardDragon
Comment
CardDragon commented Comment · Jul 8, 2010

Everything seems well but what is behind this door?



Sometimes my life just sounds like surrealistic fiction being sold on clearance at the book store.
— J. G. Hammersmith