Suicide

Hibiscus wrote:“I finally know why I’m leaving.”I love this line. Jumps straight into the poem.
Then with scissors
she tinged the thread.

We laid the quilt
in the coffin, bowing
our heads like bent book pages.I love this simile, I can imagine this.

The first procession:
the dance with death. His fingers I love "dance with death" allietation and metaphor has a big effect on the reader
kissed her weary legs.

She was uplifted on Made me think of death. As if the character in the poem is ascending to an afterlife
his palms,
her torso bridging to the ceiling.

The second procession:
the pews. Their wooden shoulders
donned stained-glass sun-dust.

We sat within them, our closed eyelids
painted, our waxy eyelashes
dripping crayon-colors.

The third procession:
the ground. We laid down
once more, to sleep beside her.Emotive and lovely, in a morbid way offcourse


We mitigated; sent our snows
back to the sky, so that the clouds
could be white instead of gray.

“Enough with all this black!”dramatic and pwerful, love it.
The crescent-like sun had
fashioned so many shadows.This has to be my favourite stanza in the entire poem because I loved this last line

We’d finally made bare
our eyes to see who was with us,
and who was not.

I don't really have a comment, sorry. It's rather...complete, which is great! I'm at such a loss for words right now, and perhaps that's what you were going for. If so, well done! If not, well done anyway! Thanks for sharing, it really made me think about life in a different point of view. Wow...I, I just can't say anything more...I'm stunned.

It's full of a lot of intense emotion which makes it really interesting to read. It's really deep and makes you be able to create visuals. I think it's amazing. I like the format you wrote it in, it makes you pause a lot and have the words sink in. Good job!

deep and heartfilled

Deep. Suicide is not a topic generally talked about. It's usually pushed to the back of the list. Like it never happens. But it does. Amazing visuals in the writing. I thought it was amazing. I want to know exactly who you are talking about. Who is it?

Deep, heartfelt, saddening and sort of hard to follow. I'm afraid I can't pinpoint how to make it easier to read, but yeah, it was good.

~ Rebz

I like your imagery. It's very good.

Wow, that was deep, right? But anyways, that's really all I have to say.

~Blue

*singerofthenight* wrote:

Hibiscus wrote:“I finally know why I’m leaving.”
Then with scissors
she tinged the thread.

We laid the quilt
in the coffin, bowing
our heads like bent book pages.

The first procession:
the dance with death. His fingers
kissed her weary legs.

She was uplifted on
his palms,
her torso bridging to the ceiling.

The second procession:
the pews. Their wooden shoulders
donned stained-glass sun-dust.

We sat within them, our closed eyelids
painted, our waxy eyelashes
dripping crayon-colors.

The third procession:
the ground. We laid down
once more, to sleep beside her.


We mitigated; sent our snows
back to the sky, so that the clouds
could be white instead of gray.

“Enough with all this black!”
The crescent-like sun had
fashioned so many shadows.

We’d finally made bare
our eyes to see who was with us,
and who was not.

Wow. I am not sure, but am I the only one who has a sense that the author is in some way talking about angels?

Hibiscus wrote:“I finally know why I’m leaving.”
Then with scissors
she tinged the thread.

We laid the quilt
in the coffin, bowing
our heads like bent book pages.

The first procession:
the dance with death. His fingers
kissed her weary legs.

She was uplifted on
his palms,
her torso bridging to the ceiling.

The second procession:
the pews. Their wooden shoulders
donned stained-glass sun-dust.

We sat within them, our closed eyelids
painted, our waxy eyelashes
dripping crayon-colors.

The third procession:
the ground. We laid down
once more, to sleep beside her.


We mitigated; sent our snows
back to the sky, so that the clouds
could be white instead of gray.

“Enough with all this black!”
The crescent-like sun had
fashioned so many shadows.

We’d finally made bare
our eyes to see who was with us,
and who was not.

Really calming in a saddish way. Throught provoking for sure....in a good way:) A poem to remember for sure.

Whoa interesting. I like it. I don't really know what to say here. It seems like everything is perfect just the way it is. I really like the first sentence a lot. It captured me and held on to me the whole poem. Well the whole first stanza did anyway.

Job well done!

Deep and heartfelt. We know your pain. Look at how beautiful it can be in this poem? You have talent!

... ... ... ... Wow! Nice. I don't really think I can help you with thins one. Sorry. I like it. *You don't have to answer this question* Are you depressed?