(Feeling kind of down, so I wrote this... Don't know if it's any good, lol.)
Knees to ground;
it’s colder down here.
The water is like a gradient,
from hot to cold,
and I wonder
if I reach up higher
will I be scolded?
Joints straining,
my legs falling asleep.
Kneeling to this
shower wall.
Hands plunge into soapy suds,
and rush to face
to cleanse myself.
Drown, down
the drain
goes the salt.
Drown, down
the drain
goes the dirt.
OK pulling me up
off this curving
floor.
And drown, down
the drain
goes the sadness.
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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
I only really have one thing to critique. I think that I was perfect at first, but then you started jumping around. It was like the whole subject got changed, and your poem feel apart. It seemed one poem in the beginning, and then another later on. Other than that I liked this. I loved your imagery, it made me really see things from your point of view.
-Flower-
Wow. All I can say is wow. This poem is really... touching. If you understand what I mean. The last line especially, I really, really like. I tried to see if there was anything for me to nit-pick, but no. Nothing. I can't call it perfect, because nothing is, but I will say that this poem is really good. Keep it up, and I'm sorry your feeling down.
~Crimson