Feeling

Hello, ConverseFireGirl!
RachelLeeAnn here to review. ^^

I really liked this! It's straight forward, and to the point.
The descriptions you've used are spot on, and create good imagery.
The only nitpick I have is that I have to agree with other reviewers: it feels a little too fast, like you're rushing through the descriptions. Maybe find a way to "slow it down," and it would be perfect.

Great job on this! It invokes a lot of emotion and feeling!
Keep writing!
-Rae

I'M HERE TO REVIEW!

First off, I have to say that I really liked this.
Your concept was perfect.
Your point was as clear as a crystal.
I don't exactly have anything to nitpick at, so I guess I'm just here to tell you how good of a job you did.

I think my most favorite part would have to be:
"It tastes like salt

and fresh ocean spray,

these are my tears."

I don't exactly know why, but I love that part the most.
Splendid job, really.
Thank you for sharing this with us!

Messenger here to review for ya!

So, I felt that although ( as CamorynAnn said) I love the descriptive words, and that you were able to bring every emotion in perspective in only three lines. But, I also felt that it was too fast. Each emotion was gone before I fully got to grasp it. And I felt it was a little disjointed. Every verse/stanza felt different then the one before. It didn't feel like they could connect together.

My suggestions would be either make each verse longer, and you could spend a little bit more time on each emotion. If not maybe connect them together. I don't know. They just felt too disconnected. Also, there didn't seem to be an end to this. I would advise perhaps writing a sixth stanza. Perhaps end with a cool line like "and these feelings . . . are ME." or something like that. I feel it would wrap everything up well.


Now, this was still a beautiful poem. Aside from it feeling a little disconnected, I loved the words. You used the ocean for the salty tears. That was clever. It gives he person a picture to relate, besides someone just crying. And you did that with all of emotions. I hope this helps. If you revise any of it, let me know!
Keep it up!

hey there, conversefiregirl,

I like this poem a lot. You really emphasized every emotion well and had amazing description with very few words.

My favorite two are
"It sticks in my heart

like shards of unwanted glass,

this is my regret."

and

"It tastes like salt

and fresh ocean spray,

these are my tears."

Ironically the first and last haha. The whole poem really spoke to me and i could almost tell what each feeling was going to be before you said it so very nice work!

i would have liked to see a few more feelings, to make it a bit longer. but overall very good job!