The Gun

Timmy here for a quick review!

Ok, so I am going to just comment on this poem, and then point out a few nitpicks when I finish with that.

This poem is very onesided, really. It seems to state that it is the gun that is evil. The gun means death. Well... that is true, but not true. Think of it this way: You put the gun into the hands of a responsible citizen, and now it is a sporting weapon. He uses it for plinking, showing off, hunting, and a horde of other things.

So something I would suggest in this is maybe adding a line or two. Perhaps something like this: Sliding easily into a greasy palm, the holder wearing a mask, or something like that to say that the one who is holding it. They are the death. Not the gun.

Ok! I will just point out a few quick nitpicks for you now!

Heavy steel pistol metal ---So this is very descript, but somewhat pointless... Steel is metal! So you are saying the same thing twice.

and sighs gunpowder. ---The gunpowder explodes... And sighing doesn't sound quite right, since it is a very loud noise! Perhaps a groan?

In your hands

you are holding death

that little bit closer. ---This poem would seem a lot more personal if you changed the you to an I, which would make it more personal. Also, perhaps you should state that its not just death as a whole being closer, but your death, or someone elses death. It would make it a lot more dramatic!

Hey there! Hopeless is here to review!!

Well this was an amazing poem and I loved it. I like how it is short and to to point, your grammar, spelling, and punctuation were all good. You speak strong words with smaller words. That's something that can help make better poems. So bravo to you for making this amazing poem.

Keep writing and stay beautiful!

~hopeless

Wow, you have really strong imagery here. Heavy, steel, metal. Dozing. This makes me think of a sleeping monster. Spitting bullets, sighing gunpowder. It's a short poem, but exquisitely written. Well done.

The Missing Piece here for a review! Woah, I love how this come right out and tells you the hard, cold truth, just like a gun is hard and cold. I love how you call the gun a creature, like it's some sort of freak. I didn't notice any mistakes so that's good. But by favorite part was

"In your hands

you are holding death

that little bit closer."

Amazing! Great job and keep writing!
~The Missing Piece

This is very interesting. I love how you personified the gun to where you made it almost seem alive. It made chills sprint up my arms and my neck. You did an exceedingly well done job. My favorite part in particular is here where you say "A creature that spits bullets
and sighs gunpowder." You gave it a feisty personality, but when your last lines came into play, you showed that there was a cold, chilling side as well. Nicely done.

Don't get me wrong.

May be I couldnt decipher what you wanted to convey.

But I feel this ended way too soon. Before you could grab the attention, the poem was over. I liked your thinking about the gun which has the power to take away someone's life.

But again you need to increase it a bit in its length. That would make it look better.

Hope, my review helps you!